Shit People Say to Aromantics

A lot of people don't even know what being aromantic is. Because of that, when people say that they're aromantic they tend to get a lot of negative and ignorant comments simply because the people they told are ill-educated on the matter. So, at the request of a dear friend, here's the shit people say to aromantics.

"That's the same as asexual.": Not true at all! Asexual means you're not sexually attracted to anyone. Aromantic means that you're not romantically attracted to anyone. Sex does not mean romance and vice versa.

"You just haven't found the right person yet.": It's not a matter of finding the right person. That's like saying to a straight person that they just haven't found the right person to make them gay. You're brushing aside how they're feeling and implying that their feelings are invalid.

"You're a late bloomer.": Nope! Wrong again! There are plenty of aromantic people in all age groups. It's not a "young person" thing. Love, or lack thereof, isn't an age-related phenomenon.

"You'll grow out of it.": Once again, it's not age-related. Aromanticism isn't a phase. It's how people identify. If you say that it's just a phase, then you're telling the person that their opinion doesn't matter because it doesn't match up with what you want it to be.

"But no one wants to die alone!": Maybe you're right. However, that doesn't mean that everyone needs to have a romantic partner. I, for instance, am currently convinced that I'll end up being a crazy cat person with no romantic partner, even though I'm not aromantic. And just because someone's aromantic doesn't mean that they can't have a strong emotional bond with someone. Many aromantics have life partners; they just don't have a romantic attraction to that person. The true definition of "best friends for life".

"That sounds horrible! How do you live like that?": Umm... By eating, sleeping, and breathing? It seems really hard for whoever's asking this question to imagine being aromantic because they've experienced romantic attractions to other people. Not only is that part of who they are, but they are also surrounded by the idea that people are meant to find their "true love". However, some people just don't fit into that box, and that's okay.

That's all I have for aromantics right now. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments section below and I'll get to them as soon as I can. And I want to thank one of my dear friends for this topic suggestion! If you have any personal questions, feel free to contact me at realqueerlife@gmail.com.

Lots of love,
Nick

Growing Up Queer

Growing up queer and gender fluid sucks. I mean, it really sucks. Especially if you don't even know it. That was my childhood in a nutshell. I always knew that I was different, but I never knew why. I'll talk about my friends, partners (Not all of them.), school, and my slow introduction to the LGBTQ community. It's a sad story, but I don't want your pity.

When I was in elementary school, I didn't quite fit in with the other kids. I can remember feeling like an outsider as far back as first grade, although I don't remember much of anything before that. I was definitely labeled as an "outcast" early on. There were many days when I sat by myself at lunch. I sat at the opposite end of the table that the popular girls sat at, and I could feel their eyes on me all through lunch. I could hear them whispering and giggling about me. Recess was much of the same. I played by myself a lot, walking in circles around the playground. I tried to play kickball and wiffle ball with the boys, but either I wouldn't be allowed to play or I would be picked last for teams. I tried to hang out with some girls too, but they didn't like me very much. Besides, talking about where we took dance and how much we loved pink didn't interest me. I've always hated pink. I got lucky though. I wasn't always alone. I became friends with a few other outcasts and we played out iwn games during recess. But, they couldn't shelter me from the worst torture, the school bus. Every day, I had to listen to them harass me. I was the last stop on my bus route, so I sang to myself to keep occupied. Some of the kids had cell phones and recorded my singing. That absolutely mortified me. I also got a death threat from someone on the bus. It read: "Stop being weird or we'll kill you." I was so happy to be moving into the middle school after fifth grade. I thought things would get better. Boy, was I wrong.

Middle school was okay, for the first half of sixth grade. Most of the kids were too worried about adjusting to the school to bother with the weirdo. I would go outside and play with the guys during recess, but they didn't bother with me much. I found a new table to sit at. A whole table of misfits! And, of course, I was the misfit at the table of misfits. I knew I was different, and the other kids knew it too. But, no one wanted to say anything because we were all outcasts. Even the people I thought were my friends didn't want to associate with me. Then right after Valentine's Day I started dating a kid from my orchestra. We'll call him James. James seemed like a really sweet kid. He made me feel like I could belong somewhere. His friends, on the other hand, were a different story. These "friends" were the same guys who I played with during recess earlier in the year. Once they heard that James and I were together, they tormented me constantly. They called me a lesbian, ugly, whore, retarded, freak. They told me that no one would ever want me. The list goes on and on. Not only did they say mean things about me, but they also assaulted me. I was tripped, kicked, shoved, grabbed, and punched on multiple occasions. James would just stand there and laugh as my face was slammed into the dirt of the school baseball diamond. Just my luck, my first partner is emotionally abusive and his friends are even worse. After the beginning on seventh grade, his friends dared him to break up with me, so he did. I cared for all of one day. Then my friend gave me a pumpkin muffin and I got over him. I never dated anyone in my grade in my school again. At the end of seventh grade, I had my first exposure to the LGBTQ community. Two of the girls at my lunch table started dating. They explained this to me, and I remember being really chill about it. They were my friends and they were happy. I'm so glad that I was introduced to the LGBTQ community through them rather than through my parents or my church. Seventh and eighth grade passed, and I was still being harassed every day. Most of the harassment was centered on the idea that I was a lesbian and that I was very butch. How come my enemies came closer to pinpointing who I really was than I did? Anyway, I was very happy when I graduated the eighth grade and got ready to move into the high school.

I feel like I need to address the summer between middle school and high school. Something very important happened to me that summer. I stopped caring about what my peers thought of me. It didn't happen overnight, but the process definitely began that summer. I learned that I could, and should, be happy exactly as I am. I think it's safe to say that this summer was a huge turning point for me. I was finally beginning to realize who I was.

High school didn't start off as well as I'd hoped, but it could've been worse. The harassment was much more limited because I didn't have classes with many I my bullies, nor did I have to share a cafeteria with them anymore. However, there was another issue. At this time, my feelings of dysphoria began to intensify. I had always felt like I didn't quite belong in my body, but I thought the feeling would go away as I got older. However, it only got worse. This caused me to feel depressed and anxious. By the middle of my sophomore year, I fell into a serious depression. My grades dropped drastically and I felt alone. It was a dark time for me, and I seriously contemplated suicide. Trans* people in the United States commit suicide at a rate of 41%, far higher than the national average. I was lucky. I got help. Although the help I received did not address my dysphoria, it certainly helped me a lot. I can say that that part of my life is in the past. By the end of my sophomore year, I was seriously questioning my gender. I didn't feel female, but male didn't quite fit either. I was lost and confused.

The summer between my sophomore and junior years was another pivotal point in time for me. This was the summer I first came across the term "gender fluid". A person I became friends with that summer mentioned the term as we were decorating posters for our camp's GSA. I asked him some more questions on what it meant and it seemed like the term explained how I felt. I was finally starting to feel comfortable with my gender. After some more research, I determined that this was how I felt. By the end of the summer, I came out to my then partner and many of my close friends.

During my junior year I decided that I would join my school's GSA. I'm really glad I did. I was able to connect with kids who understood what I was going through. National Coming Out Day was special for me that year. I decided to come out publicly on Facebook. I got a lot of support from my friends and extended family, but I also got a lot of questions. This constant stream of questions lead me to make this blog, because all those questions needed to be answered somewhere. After that came the YouTube channel that I'm working on starting up. I see good things for me in the future.

So, that's my story from start to finish. I hope you all enjoyed reading the queer story of my life. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions, please post them in the comments section below. If you have any personal questions, feel free to contact me at realqueerlife@gmail.com. Thank you all for listening to my story.

Lots of love,

Nick

NEWSFLASH #3

Hello everyone!

Newsflash!!! I'm now a contributor to a YouTube channel called Real Queer Life. I'll be doing uploads on Thursdays, but the other contributors will be uploading videos throughout the week. I'm really excited to be part of this channel.We start uploading videos this week. If you're interested in watching the videos, click: http://www.youtube.com/user/RealQueerLife. If you would like to become a weekly contributor, please send an email to realqueerlife@gmail.com and we'll get back to you. I'm looking forward to getting this channel started!

Lots of love,

Nick

National Coming Out Day

Yesterday was October 11. Many of you know this as National Coming Out Day. For those of you who didn't know, now you do. This day marks something very important to me. Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of when I came out publicly. And by publicly, I mean that I wrote a rediculously long Facebook post and answered a hell of a lot of questions. Now, not everyone will feel comfortable doing that. I went about it in this manner because I have a lot of friends who live far away (some are international) and I wouldn't be able to tell them face-to-face. I also knew that my friends wouldn't have an issue with me telling them this. I'm so glad I was able to come out and receive such a positive response from the people I care about. For those who are able to come out in safe environments, I'm happy for you. For those who can't come out or are afraid to, I understand. I'm still scared to come out to my family. Just know that it does get better and there are plenty of people out there who love you, myself included, Yes, I love all of you. Remember that you don't have to come out if you're not ready. This is something only you can do.

If anyone wants to talk to me about coming out, or really anything, send an email to realqueerlife@gmail.com. I love hearing from you all. If you have a question or comment that isn't deeply personal, leave it in the comments section below. You'll be hearing more from me soon.

Lots of love,

Nick

Shit People Say to Pansexuals

Pansexuals are often misunderstood and judged because of their orientation. Many people just don't understand what it means to be pansexual. People sometimes make rude or ignorant remarks about pansexuality. Let's take a look at some of those comments and see why they shouldn't be said.

"Does that mean you're attracted to pans?": Yes, they have a sexual attraction to kitchenware. That was sarcasm, in case you're wondering. No, they aren't attracted to pots and pans. The prefix "pan-" means "all". So, people who are pansexual are attracted to people of all kinds of genders.

"Pansexuals are attracted to everyone.": That's not true either. In fact, that just sounds exhausting! Being attracted to everyone you see would just be draining. And a bit creepy too. Being pansexual means you are attracted to people despite their gender.

"Pansexual is just a fancier term for bisexual.": No, there is a clear difference between the two. Pansexuality means a person can be attracted to a someone of any gender. Bisexuality means that a person can be attracted to people of only two genders. There's a huge difference between two and all.

"Pansexuals need to make up their minds.": Pansexuals don't have to make up their minds on anything. They're fine just the way they are.

"Pansexuals are greedy.": How are they greedy? In fact, their quite the opposite. They're sharing their love with everyone. But seriously, their not stealing partners from people and hoarding them. That's really difficult to do and you'll probably get charged with unlawful detainment if you try it.

"They're so promiscuous.": Really? Just because someone is attracted to people of all genders doesn't mean they're sleeping around. Sexuality is a matter of who you're attracted to. It has nothing to do with how often you have sex. And if they are having lots of sex, who cares? It's none of your damn business what people do in the bedroom.

"It's just a phase. You'll grow out of it": Yeah, that's not how sexuality works. It tends to stay with you your entire life. I don't think life is "just a phase". Their sexuality isn't going away anytime soon. You need to get used to the fact that people can feel this way.

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I've been away for a while, but now I'm back! If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions please leave them in the comments section below. I hope you liked what you read. If you want to read more from this series, click the link at the top of the page titled "Shit People Say: A Series".

Lots of love,
Nick

NEWSFLASH #2

As many of you have probably noticed, the WeAreTheLGBT YouTube channel has been shut down. YouTube malfunctioned and deleted our channel. We decided that it would be best if we didn't try to restart the channel. However, I still really wanted to be part of an LGBT YouTube channel. So, I've decided to start my own channel. It will be called "RealQueerLife" and it'll be up and running soon. But, I still need people to upload videos. If you're interested or you know someone who's interested, contact me through the channel's email, realqueerlife@gmail.com. I hope to be hearing from people soon! I can't wait for the channel to get kick-started!

Lots of love,

Nick

Shit People Say to Lesbians

This one is a special request from one of my readers. So, without further ado, here are some things you should apologize for if you ever say them to a lesbian.

Sometimes said after a boy tries, and fails, to hook up with a lesbian: "I'm a lesbian too! Can I join?": Take your testosterone somewhere else! The lady said "No". Leave her alone. You're just freaking her out and offending her. Lay off.

"But you guys can't have real sex! The parts don't fit!": ... People find ways to "make the parts fit". If they couldn't, lesbian sex would be one of the most awkward things on the planet. But it's not. You don't need a penis and a vagina for it to be "real sex". Think for a moment about how everything could work.

"So who's the man in the relationship?": That would be me. This question is the equivalent of asking which chopstick is the fork. They are both women. There is no man in the equation for a reason.

"You just haven't been fucked right.": You don't have to has sex with someone to be attracted to them. It generally works the other way around. Whoever you're addressing has probably had great sex, but with other women.

"What made you a lesbian?": It's generally agreed upon that you're born that way, so nothing but genetics and hormones a fetus is exposed to could make someone a lesbian. There was no trauma that turned her away from men. She's just not interested.

"It's just a phase. You'll grow out of it.": That's really not something that tends to be a phase. People know who they're attracted to. Sexuality is too big of a factor to be that malleable.

"You're too young to know.": You wouldn't be saying that if she was dating a boy, would you? You don't think she's too young, you just don't want her to grow up and stay a lesbian. You're basically trying to argue the gay out if her. It's not an effective tactic.

I hope you like the series I'm writing. I'm going to keep going with it. If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, or concerns post them in the comments section below. Thanks for reading my ramblings!

Lots of love,

Nick