Most of you are probably aware of this already, but there are still people I haven't come out to. This shrinking list of people in my life now includes mainly my family. Although your family is supposed to support you no matter what you do or who you are, there is a lot of risk involved with coming out to your family. My mom has an inkling that I'm trans*, and she's trying to force me out of the closet. I'm resisting this as much as I can. Why? I'm not ready to come out yet. While I know that not every coming out experience is horrible, I know mine will be hellish, to say the least. And I haven't heard such great stories from kids who have come out in homes where they weren't accepted.
*Note: I don't believe that all of these things will happen to me or to anyone coming out. Some of them will, and some of them will not. When it comes to me, I'm okay with whatever happens and I know how to take care of myself.*
One of the biggest risks associated with coming out to parents is being thrown out. Some parents are so repulsed by the idea of their kid differing from the "norm" that they actually throw the kid out onto the streets. LGBTQ youth make up 40% of the homeless youth population and the biggest reason for their homelessness is family rejection. Kids who are homeless are higher risk and are more likely to get involved in crime, mainly sex and drug trafficking. Most minors just aren't prepared to live on the streets all by themselves. I know that if I came out to my parents, this is most likely what would happen. I was planning on waiting until after college to come out, but I don't think that's an option anymore, making this a very real possibility.
Another possible scenario is physical abuse from the family. Some kids who come out face physical abuse from parents who are trying to "beat the gay out of them". Being punched, slapped, kicked, and otherwise assaulted is a reality for some kids who come out. Some, mostly teenage boys, have been sent to programs to "make them straight". I recently read an article about this happening at a camp outside the United States, and two boys died there. Both died from a combination of dehydration and regular beatings. This stuff actually does happen all over the world.
Finally, kids can face severe emotional abuse from family members when they come out. The above two scenarios are extreme (although the first one may happen to me). However, verbal and psychological abuse are much more common. Teenagers are harassed and rejected by their own siblings and parents. Today, I read a story about a girl who came out and moved out when she was 17 years old. She had to move back in a few years later, and her entire family turned against her. Her youngest brother tells her every day that she isn't his sister. Her little sister has a family photo prominently displayed in her bedroom with the girl's face cut out of it. Her family constantly tells her that she's going to Hell and that she's a horrible person. Although this may be the least extreme of the three scenarios, it may be the most harmful. It is very obvious if a kid is wandering the streets by themselves or if they have scars and bruises all over their bodies. What's not as obvious is the emotional scars left behind after being called names or being treated as less than by family. And while most physical wounds heal over time, time does not heal emotional scars. Those stay with you fr life.
Thank you for reading this rambling post. I just wanted to say all of this. I'm coming out to my parents soon. And sure, I might get kicked out. But, I still consider myself one of the lucky ones. I have many friends who have offered me a place to stay if anything happens to me. You know who you are, and thank you so much. You guys mean the world to me. But keep an eye out for kids who are having a tough time coming out at home. Just be there for them. Offer them a hot meal, maybe a place to crash for the night, a chance to get away for a little while. You'll never truly know how much it means to them.
If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or topics for discussion, please write in the comments section below. I want to hear from you guys. Give me ideas!
Lots of Love,
Nick
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