A lot of people don't even know what being aromantic is. Because of that, when people say that they're aromantic they tend to get a lot of negative and ignorant comments simply because the people they told are ill-educated on the matter. So, at the request of a dear friend, here's the shit people say to aromantics.
"That's the same as asexual.": Not true at all! Asexual means you're not sexually attracted to anyone. Aromantic means that you're not romantically attracted to anyone. Sex does not mean romance and vice versa.
"You just haven't found the right person yet.": It's not a matter of finding the right person. That's like saying to a straight person that they just haven't found the right person to make them gay. You're brushing aside how they're feeling and implying that their feelings are invalid.
"You're a late bloomer.": Nope! Wrong again! There are plenty of aromantic people in all age groups. It's not a "young person" thing. Love, or lack thereof, isn't an age-related phenomenon.
"You'll grow out of it.": Once again, it's not age-related. Aromanticism isn't a phase. It's how people identify. If you say that it's just a phase, then you're telling the person that their opinion doesn't matter because it doesn't match up with what you want it to be.
"But no one wants to die alone!": Maybe you're right. However, that doesn't mean that everyone needs to have a romantic partner. I, for instance, am currently convinced that I'll end up being a crazy cat person with no romantic partner, even though I'm not aromantic. And just because someone's aromantic doesn't mean that they can't have a strong emotional bond with someone. Many aromantics have life partners; they just don't have a romantic attraction to that person. The true definition of "best friends for life".
"That sounds horrible! How do you live like that?": Umm... By eating, sleeping, and breathing? It seems really hard for whoever's asking this question to imagine being aromantic because they've experienced romantic attractions to other people. Not only is that part of who they are, but they are also surrounded by the idea that people are meant to find their "true love". However, some people just don't fit into that box, and that's okay.
That's all I have for aromantics right now. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments section below and I'll get to them as soon as I can. And I want to thank one of my dear friends for this topic suggestion! If you have any personal questions, feel free to contact me at realqueerlife@gmail.com.
Lots of love,
Nick
Showing posts with label Shit People Say: A Series. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shit People Say: A Series. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
Shit People Say to Pansexuals
Pansexuals are often misunderstood and judged because of their orientation. Many people just don't understand what it means to be pansexual. People sometimes make rude or ignorant remarks about pansexuality. Let's take a look at some of those comments and see why they shouldn't be said.
"Does that mean you're attracted to pans?": Yes, they have a sexual attraction to kitchenware. That was sarcasm, in case you're wondering. No, they aren't attracted to pots and pans. The prefix "pan-" means "all". So, people who are pansexual are attracted to people of all kinds of genders.
"Pansexuals are attracted to everyone.": That's not true either. In fact, that just sounds exhausting! Being attracted to everyone you see would just be draining. And a bit creepy too. Being pansexual means you are attracted to people despite their gender.
"Pansexual is just a fancier term for bisexual.": No, there is a clear difference between the two. Pansexuality means a person can be attracted to a someone of any gender. Bisexuality means that a person can be attracted to people of only two genders. There's a huge difference between two and all.
"Pansexuals need to make up their minds.": Pansexuals don't have to make up their minds on anything. They're fine just the way they are.
"Pansexuals are greedy.": How are they greedy? In fact, their quite the opposite. They're sharing their love with everyone. But seriously, their not stealing partners from people and hoarding them. That's really difficult to do and you'll probably get charged with unlawful detainment if you try it.
"They're so promiscuous.": Really? Just because someone is attracted to people of all genders doesn't mean they're sleeping around. Sexuality is a matter of who you're attracted to. It has nothing to do with how often you have sex. And if they are having lots of sex, who cares? It's none of your damn business what people do in the bedroom.
"It's just a phase. You'll grow out of it": Yeah, that's not how sexuality works. It tends to stay with you your entire life. I don't think life is "just a phase". Their sexuality isn't going away anytime soon. You need to get used to the fact that people can feel this way.
Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I've been away for a while, but now I'm back! If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions please leave them in the comments section below. I hope you liked what you read. If you want to read more from this series, click the link at the top of the page titled "Shit People Say: A Series".
Lots of love,
Nick
"Does that mean you're attracted to pans?": Yes, they have a sexual attraction to kitchenware. That was sarcasm, in case you're wondering. No, they aren't attracted to pots and pans. The prefix "pan-" means "all". So, people who are pansexual are attracted to people of all kinds of genders.
"Pansexuals are attracted to everyone.": That's not true either. In fact, that just sounds exhausting! Being attracted to everyone you see would just be draining. And a bit creepy too. Being pansexual means you are attracted to people despite their gender.
"Pansexual is just a fancier term for bisexual.": No, there is a clear difference between the two. Pansexuality means a person can be attracted to a someone of any gender. Bisexuality means that a person can be attracted to people of only two genders. There's a huge difference between two and all.
"Pansexuals need to make up their minds.": Pansexuals don't have to make up their minds on anything. They're fine just the way they are.
"Pansexuals are greedy.": How are they greedy? In fact, their quite the opposite. They're sharing their love with everyone. But seriously, their not stealing partners from people and hoarding them. That's really difficult to do and you'll probably get charged with unlawful detainment if you try it.
"They're so promiscuous.": Really? Just because someone is attracted to people of all genders doesn't mean they're sleeping around. Sexuality is a matter of who you're attracted to. It has nothing to do with how often you have sex. And if they are having lots of sex, who cares? It's none of your damn business what people do in the bedroom.
"It's just a phase. You'll grow out of it": Yeah, that's not how sexuality works. It tends to stay with you your entire life. I don't think life is "just a phase". Their sexuality isn't going away anytime soon. You need to get used to the fact that people can feel this way.
Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I've been away for a while, but now I'm back! If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions please leave them in the comments section below. I hope you liked what you read. If you want to read more from this series, click the link at the top of the page titled "Shit People Say: A Series".
Lots of love,
Nick
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Shit People Say to Lesbians
This one is a special request from one of my readers. So, without further ado, here are some things you should apologize for if you ever say them to a lesbian.
Sometimes said after a boy tries, and fails, to hook up with a lesbian: "I'm a lesbian too! Can I join?": Take your testosterone somewhere else! The lady said "No". Leave her alone. You're just freaking her out and offending her. Lay off.
"But you guys can't have real sex! The parts don't fit!": ... People find ways to "make the parts fit". If they couldn't, lesbian sex would be one of the most awkward things on the planet. But it's not. You don't need a penis and a vagina for it to be "real sex". Think for a moment about how everything could work.
"So who's the man in the relationship?": That would be me. This question is the equivalent of asking which chopstick is the fork. They are both women. There is no man in the equation for a reason.
"You just haven't been fucked right.": You don't have to has sex with someone to be attracted to them. It generally works the other way around. Whoever you're addressing has probably had great sex, but with other women.
"What made you a lesbian?": It's generally agreed upon that you're born that way, so nothing but genetics and hormones a fetus is exposed to could make someone a lesbian. There was no trauma that turned her away from men. She's just not interested.
"It's just a phase. You'll grow out of it.": That's really not something that tends to be a phase. People know who they're attracted to. Sexuality is too big of a factor to be that malleable.
"You're too young to know.": You wouldn't be saying that if she was dating a boy, would you? You don't think she's too young, you just don't want her to grow up and stay a lesbian. You're basically trying to argue the gay out if her. It's not an effective tactic.
I hope you like the series I'm writing. I'm going to keep going with it. If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, or concerns post them in the comments section below. Thanks for reading my ramblings!
Lots of love,
Nick
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Shit People Say to Asexuals
Here's a sexuality a lot of people don't understand: Asexuality. Without realizing it, people offend asexuals because they don't understand this sexual orientation. Here's some of the stuff people say to asexuals.
"How do you know that if you haven't had sex?": People can know their sexual orientation without having sex. People can know if their gay, straight, bi, or any other orientation without having sex with someone. Same goes for being asexual.
"You just haven't been fucked right.": No, that's not the case. Asexuals just are genuinely not interested in sex. It's not that they haven't found the right partner. They won't suddenly want sex after climbing into bed with someone. That's not how human beings work.
"So how do you reproduce? Mitosis?": Hardy har har. That joke isn't funny. Asexuals are not amoebas! They don't use budding or split in half to have kids. There is a huge difference between asexual reproduction (mitosis or budding) and being asexual. Remember, you're talking to humans, not bacteria.
"Isn't that the same as being celibate?": This question is rooted more in confusion than assholery. Being celibate is choosing to not have sex. Many priests and nuns are celibate. Many who are celibate use it as a way to get closer to a divine power. Asexuality is not being sexually attracted to anyone. Think of it this way: Celibacy is a choice, asexuality is not.
"So, sex grosses you out.": It honestly depends on the person. This is not necessarily the case for asexuals. Some are kind of freaked out by sex and some aren't. However, not liking the idea of sex is not what makes them asexual. Those are two completely different things. I was freaked out by sex for a while but that didn't make me asexual.
I hope you guys like "Shit People Say: A Series". I'm going to keep writing these kinds of posts until I run out of ideas. If you want to read more posts from the series, you can find a link at the top of the home page. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions leave them in the comments section below.
Lots of love,
Nick
P.S. I found this video on YouTube having to do with Shit People Say to Asexuals. Click below to watch it.
"How do you know that if you haven't had sex?": People can know their sexual orientation without having sex. People can know if their gay, straight, bi, or any other orientation without having sex with someone. Same goes for being asexual.
"You just haven't been fucked right.": No, that's not the case. Asexuals just are genuinely not interested in sex. It's not that they haven't found the right partner. They won't suddenly want sex after climbing into bed with someone. That's not how human beings work.
"So how do you reproduce? Mitosis?": Hardy har har. That joke isn't funny. Asexuals are not amoebas! They don't use budding or split in half to have kids. There is a huge difference between asexual reproduction (mitosis or budding) and being asexual. Remember, you're talking to humans, not bacteria.
"Isn't that the same as being celibate?": This question is rooted more in confusion than assholery. Being celibate is choosing to not have sex. Many priests and nuns are celibate. Many who are celibate use it as a way to get closer to a divine power. Asexuality is not being sexually attracted to anyone. Think of it this way: Celibacy is a choice, asexuality is not.
"So, sex grosses you out.": It honestly depends on the person. This is not necessarily the case for asexuals. Some are kind of freaked out by sex and some aren't. However, not liking the idea of sex is not what makes them asexual. Those are two completely different things. I was freaked out by sex for a while but that didn't make me asexual.
I hope you guys like "Shit People Say: A Series". I'm going to keep writing these kinds of posts until I run out of ideas. If you want to read more posts from the series, you can find a link at the top of the home page. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions leave them in the comments section below.
Lots of love,
Nick
P.S. I found this video on YouTube having to do with Shit People Say to Asexuals. Click below to watch it.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Shit People Say to Gay Men
What do you think of when your heat the words, "gay man"? I'm going to guess that you thought of a guy who is very feminine, hangs out with women all the time, and has good fashion sense. Was I spot on? That's the common "gay man" stereotype. In reality, not all gay men are like that. But, a lot of people want to fit others into the molds they've created. Here are a few comments people make to gay men.
"You don't look gay.": There's a look? Am I missing something? If there is, my gay friends have been getting this wrong all their lives. There is no "look" that gay men have. I don't think people can look like a sexual orientation. Just because he's not wearing pink all the time or saying "OMG I love those shoes!" every five seconds doesn't mean he's not gay. He just doesn't fit the stereotype.
"Do you want to be a woman or something?": That would be a big, fat, "no". If gay men wanted to be women, they would identify as transgender. There is a HUGE difference between the two! You don't need to be gay to be trans* and vice versa. Can we please separate these two ideas?
"You need to be with a woman. Then you'll reconsider." I'm pretty sure that if someone wanted to be with a woman, they would. Maybe the people making these comments should sleep with someone of the same sex. Maybe then they'll reconsider.
"Gay men hate women.": I think, judging from the gay man stereotypes, that that's not at all the case. Gay men don't hate women. Just because someone isn't attracted to a gender doesn't mean that the person hates that gender. I'm attracted to men, but not women. That doesn't mean that I hate women. I just would rather not climb into bed with a female.
I hope you guys like the series I'm working on called "Shit People Say: A Series". If you want to read more posts from the series, you can find a link to the series at the top of the home page. As always, if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions leave them in the comments section below. I love the feedback I've been getting from you guys, even the negative stuff. Hey, you know you're getting good when people start telling you to shut up. But believe me, I'm not going to keep quiet. Not anymore.
Lots of love,
Nick
P.S. One of my friends asked me to add this image to the blog. I thought this would be a good place to put it.
"You don't look gay.": There's a look? Am I missing something? If there is, my gay friends have been getting this wrong all their lives. There is no "look" that gay men have. I don't think people can look like a sexual orientation. Just because he's not wearing pink all the time or saying "OMG I love those shoes!" every five seconds doesn't mean he's not gay. He just doesn't fit the stereotype.
"Do you want to be a woman or something?": That would be a big, fat, "no". If gay men wanted to be women, they would identify as transgender. There is a HUGE difference between the two! You don't need to be gay to be trans* and vice versa. Can we please separate these two ideas?
"You need to be with a woman. Then you'll reconsider." I'm pretty sure that if someone wanted to be with a woman, they would. Maybe the people making these comments should sleep with someone of the same sex. Maybe then they'll reconsider.
"Gay men hate women.": I think, judging from the gay man stereotypes, that that's not at all the case. Gay men don't hate women. Just because someone isn't attracted to a gender doesn't mean that the person hates that gender. I'm attracted to men, but not women. That doesn't mean that I hate women. I just would rather not climb into bed with a female.
I hope you guys like the series I'm working on called "Shit People Say: A Series". If you want to read more posts from the series, you can find a link to the series at the top of the home page. As always, if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions leave them in the comments section below. I love the feedback I've been getting from you guys, even the negative stuff. Hey, you know you're getting good when people start telling you to shut up. But believe me, I'm not going to keep quiet. Not anymore.
Lots of love,
Nick
P.S. One of my friends asked me to add this image to the blog. I thought this would be a good place to put it.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Shit People Say to Bisexuals
Bisexuals get a lot more than they bargained for when they come out. Instead of accepting bisexuals, a lot of people try to claim that bisexuality doesn't exist. In light of that, here's some of the shit that people say to bisexuals.
"You're gay, you just don't want to fully come out of the closet yet.": Yeah, I'm pretty sure that coming out as bi constitutes coming out of the closet. If you're not straight, you don't automatically become gay. There's a lot of grey area in between the two extremes.
"You're just confused.": Sexual attraction tends to be pretty clear cut. I don't think someone can really be confused by which gender they're attracted to. Bisexuals just happen to like more than one gender. Liking more than one gender doesn't make you confused.
"You can't like more than one gender. You have to pick one.": Let me set up an example for you. I like apples and I like bananas. If I like eating apples, does that mean I can't like bananas anymore? I didn't think so. Same applies to sexual orientation. Just because someone likes one gender doesn't mean they can't be attracted to another too.
"So, you like threesomes?": Can we just stop this stereotype right here? If you think that, you're watching far too much porn and you need to meet some real bisexuals. I have yet to meet a bisexual in real life who is okay with climbing into bed with more than one person. Three's a crowd, if you ask me.
"Are you dating a boy and a girl at the same time? How do you do it?": They don't, generally. Just because bisexuals are attracted to two genders doesn't mean that they're dating both at the same time. That just seems like it would be really tiring all the time. Handling one partner is enough.
"Bisexuals cheat all the time.": Whoever says this has a lot to learn about human relationships. Just because someone likes more than one gender doesn't mean that they will cheat one their current partner with someone who is the opposite sex of the partner. That's just not how relationships work. I dated someone who once identified as bisexual. And you know what, he didn't cheat on me. Ever. Just some food for thought.
I hope you guys like what you read because this post is part of a series I'm writing. It's called "Shit People Say: A Series". There will be more posts like this in the future. If any of you have questions, comments, concerns, or topics you want me to cover, leave them in the comments section below this post.
"You're gay, you just don't want to fully come out of the closet yet.": Yeah, I'm pretty sure that coming out as bi constitutes coming out of the closet. If you're not straight, you don't automatically become gay. There's a lot of grey area in between the two extremes.
"You're just confused.": Sexual attraction tends to be pretty clear cut. I don't think someone can really be confused by which gender they're attracted to. Bisexuals just happen to like more than one gender. Liking more than one gender doesn't make you confused.
"You can't like more than one gender. You have to pick one.": Let me set up an example for you. I like apples and I like bananas. If I like eating apples, does that mean I can't like bananas anymore? I didn't think so. Same applies to sexual orientation. Just because someone likes one gender doesn't mean they can't be attracted to another too.
"So, you like threesomes?": Can we just stop this stereotype right here? If you think that, you're watching far too much porn and you need to meet some real bisexuals. I have yet to meet a bisexual in real life who is okay with climbing into bed with more than one person. Three's a crowd, if you ask me.
"Are you dating a boy and a girl at the same time? How do you do it?": They don't, generally. Just because bisexuals are attracted to two genders doesn't mean that they're dating both at the same time. That just seems like it would be really tiring all the time. Handling one partner is enough.
"Bisexuals cheat all the time.": Whoever says this has a lot to learn about human relationships. Just because someone likes more than one gender doesn't mean that they will cheat one their current partner with someone who is the opposite sex of the partner. That's just not how relationships work. I dated someone who once identified as bisexual. And you know what, he didn't cheat on me. Ever. Just some food for thought.
I hope you guys like what you read because this post is part of a series I'm writing. It's called "Shit People Say: A Series". There will be more posts like this in the future. If any of you have questions, comments, concerns, or topics you want me to cover, leave them in the comments section below this post.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Bigotry in the LGBTQ Community: Can't We All Just Get Along?
My blog is all about promoting love and equality. I don't care who you are, what you look like, how you identify, or who you sleep with (as long as it's not with my current partner, then you should find a cave to hide in for a while). People are people and I love them. And the LGBTQ community is supposed to be about love and equality too. Isn't that why Prop 8 and DOMA are being fought in the Supreme Court right now? Unfortunately, there is a lot of exclusion in the LGBTQ community.
Do you know why I consider everyone who is gay, lesbian, bi, pan, trans* intersex, asexual, etc. part of a community? It's because they have common goals and dreams. They have all faced similar hardships during the same time period and stood side-by-side in many events like the Stonewall Riots. But I think people forget that. They forget that people are people, even if their sexuality or gender isn't like yours. There are people in the LGBTQ community who criticize others for not being like them. They say that other members of the community are "confused" or "just trying to sound better" or are "just weird". And when I hear things like that, I look at them like they have lobsters crawling out of their ears. Why? They sound exactly like the straight, cisgender people who have been suppressing them for so long. They are such hypocrites for doing that. Why are they hurting their own cause?
Maybe stereotypes have something to do with it. That's what I think. So, for the next few weeks, I'll be writing posts about stereotypes for individual gender and sexual orientations and debunking all of those lies. If you have any suggestions about orientations for me to cover or stereotypes you want me to discuss, please tell me in the comments section below. This post was short, but there will be a lot coming soon and they will be lengthier. As always, if you have any questions, comments, stories, or concerns, please write them in the comments section below.
Lots of love,
Nick
Do you know why I consider everyone who is gay, lesbian, bi, pan, trans* intersex, asexual, etc. part of a community? It's because they have common goals and dreams. They have all faced similar hardships during the same time period and stood side-by-side in many events like the Stonewall Riots. But I think people forget that. They forget that people are people, even if their sexuality or gender isn't like yours. There are people in the LGBTQ community who criticize others for not being like them. They say that other members of the community are "confused" or "just trying to sound better" or are "just weird". And when I hear things like that, I look at them like they have lobsters crawling out of their ears. Why? They sound exactly like the straight, cisgender people who have been suppressing them for so long. They are such hypocrites for doing that. Why are they hurting their own cause?
Maybe stereotypes have something to do with it. That's what I think. So, for the next few weeks, I'll be writing posts about stereotypes for individual gender and sexual orientations and debunking all of those lies. If you have any suggestions about orientations for me to cover or stereotypes you want me to discuss, please tell me in the comments section below. This post was short, but there will be a lot coming soon and they will be lengthier. As always, if you have any questions, comments, stories, or concerns, please write them in the comments section below.
Lots of love,
Nick
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