A lot of people don't even know what being aromantic is. Because of that, when people say that they're aromantic they tend to get a lot of negative and ignorant comments simply because the people they told are ill-educated on the matter. So, at the request of a dear friend, here's the shit people say to aromantics.
"That's the same as asexual.": Not true at all! Asexual means you're not sexually attracted to anyone. Aromantic means that you're not romantically attracted to anyone. Sex does not mean romance and vice versa.
"You just haven't found the right person yet.": It's not a matter of finding the right person. That's like saying to a straight person that they just haven't found the right person to make them gay. You're brushing aside how they're feeling and implying that their feelings are invalid.
"You're a late bloomer.": Nope! Wrong again! There are plenty of aromantic people in all age groups. It's not a "young person" thing. Love, or lack thereof, isn't an age-related phenomenon.
"You'll grow out of it.": Once again, it's not age-related. Aromanticism isn't a phase. It's how people identify. If you say that it's just a phase, then you're telling the person that their opinion doesn't matter because it doesn't match up with what you want it to be.
"But no one wants to die alone!": Maybe you're right. However, that doesn't mean that everyone needs to have a romantic partner. I, for instance, am currently convinced that I'll end up being a crazy cat person with no romantic partner, even though I'm not aromantic. And just because someone's aromantic doesn't mean that they can't have a strong emotional bond with someone. Many aromantics have life partners; they just don't have a romantic attraction to that person. The true definition of "best friends for life".
"That sounds horrible! How do you live like that?": Umm... By eating, sleeping, and breathing? It seems really hard for whoever's asking this question to imagine being aromantic because they've experienced romantic attractions to other people. Not only is that part of who they are, but they are also surrounded by the idea that people are meant to find their "true love". However, some people just don't fit into that box, and that's okay.
That's all I have for aromantics right now. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments section below and I'll get to them as soon as I can. And I want to thank one of my dear friends for this topic suggestion! If you have any personal questions, feel free to contact me at realqueerlife@gmail.com.
Lots of love,
Nick
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Growing Up Queer
Growing up queer and gender fluid sucks. I mean, it really sucks. Especially if you don't even know it. That was my childhood in a nutshell. I always knew that I was different, but I never knew why. I'll talk about my friends, partners (Not all of them.), school, and my slow introduction to the LGBTQ community. It's a sad story, but I don't want your pity.
When I was in elementary school, I didn't quite fit in with the other kids. I can remember feeling like an outsider as far back as first grade, although I don't remember much of anything before that. I was definitely labeled as an "outcast" early on. There were many days when I sat by myself at lunch. I sat at the opposite end of the table that the popular girls sat at, and I could feel their eyes on me all through lunch. I could hear them whispering and giggling about me. Recess was much of the same. I played by myself a lot, walking in circles around the playground. I tried to play kickball and wiffle ball with the boys, but either I wouldn't be allowed to play or I would be picked last for teams. I tried to hang out with some girls too, but they didn't like me very much. Besides, talking about where we took dance and how much we loved pink didn't interest me. I've always hated pink. I got lucky though. I wasn't always alone. I became friends with a few other outcasts and we played out iwn games during recess. But, they couldn't shelter me from the worst torture, the school bus. Every day, I had to listen to them harass me. I was the last stop on my bus route, so I sang to myself to keep occupied. Some of the kids had cell phones and recorded my singing. That absolutely mortified me. I also got a death threat from someone on the bus. It read: "Stop being weird or we'll kill you." I was so happy to be moving into the middle school after fifth grade. I thought things would get better. Boy, was I wrong.
When I was in elementary school, I didn't quite fit in with the other kids. I can remember feeling like an outsider as far back as first grade, although I don't remember much of anything before that. I was definitely labeled as an "outcast" early on. There were many days when I sat by myself at lunch. I sat at the opposite end of the table that the popular girls sat at, and I could feel their eyes on me all through lunch. I could hear them whispering and giggling about me. Recess was much of the same. I played by myself a lot, walking in circles around the playground. I tried to play kickball and wiffle ball with the boys, but either I wouldn't be allowed to play or I would be picked last for teams. I tried to hang out with some girls too, but they didn't like me very much. Besides, talking about where we took dance and how much we loved pink didn't interest me. I've always hated pink. I got lucky though. I wasn't always alone. I became friends with a few other outcasts and we played out iwn games during recess. But, they couldn't shelter me from the worst torture, the school bus. Every day, I had to listen to them harass me. I was the last stop on my bus route, so I sang to myself to keep occupied. Some of the kids had cell phones and recorded my singing. That absolutely mortified me. I also got a death threat from someone on the bus. It read: "Stop being weird or we'll kill you." I was so happy to be moving into the middle school after fifth grade. I thought things would get better. Boy, was I wrong.
Middle school was okay, for the first half of sixth grade. Most of the kids were too worried about adjusting to the school to bother with the weirdo. I would go outside and play with the guys during recess, but they didn't bother with me much. I found a new table to sit at. A whole table of misfits! And, of course, I was the misfit at the table of misfits. I knew I was different, and the other kids knew it too. But, no one wanted to say anything because we were all outcasts. Even the people I thought were my friends didn't want to associate with me. Then right after Valentine's Day I started dating a kid from my orchestra. We'll call him James. James seemed like a really sweet kid. He made me feel like I could belong somewhere. His friends, on the other hand, were a different story. These "friends" were the same guys who I played with during recess earlier in the year. Once they heard that James and I were together, they tormented me constantly. They called me a lesbian, ugly, whore, retarded, freak. They told me that no one would ever want me. The list goes on and on. Not only did they say mean things about me, but they also assaulted me. I was tripped, kicked, shoved, grabbed, and punched on multiple occasions. James would just stand there and laugh as my face was slammed into the dirt of the school baseball diamond. Just my luck, my first partner is emotionally abusive and his friends are even worse. After the beginning on seventh grade, his friends dared him to break up with me, so he did. I cared for all of one day. Then my friend gave me a pumpkin muffin and I got over him. I never dated anyone in my grade in my school again. At the end of seventh grade, I had my first exposure to the LGBTQ community. Two of the girls at my lunch table started dating. They explained this to me, and I remember being really chill about it. They were my friends and they were happy. I'm so glad that I was introduced to the LGBTQ community through them rather than through my parents or my church. Seventh and eighth grade passed, and I was still being harassed every day. Most of the harassment was centered on the idea that I was a lesbian and that I was very butch. How come my enemies came closer to pinpointing who I really was than I did? Anyway, I was very happy when I graduated the eighth grade and got ready to move into the high school.
I feel like I need to address the summer between middle school and high school. Something very important happened to me that summer. I stopped caring about what my peers thought of me. It didn't happen overnight, but the process definitely began that summer. I learned that I could, and should, be happy exactly as I am. I think it's safe to say that this summer was a huge turning point for me. I was finally beginning to realize who I was.
High school didn't start off as well as I'd hoped, but it could've been worse. The harassment was much more limited because I didn't have classes with many I my bullies, nor did I have to share a cafeteria with them anymore. However, there was another issue. At this time, my feelings of dysphoria began to intensify. I had always felt like I didn't quite belong in my body, but I thought the feeling would go away as I got older. However, it only got worse. This caused me to feel depressed and anxious. By the middle of my sophomore year, I fell into a serious depression. My grades dropped drastically and I felt alone. It was a dark time for me, and I seriously contemplated suicide. Trans* people in the United States commit suicide at a rate of 41%, far higher than the national average. I was lucky. I got help. Although the help I received did not address my dysphoria, it certainly helped me a lot. I can say that that part of my life is in the past. By the end of my sophomore year, I was seriously questioning my gender. I didn't feel female, but male didn't quite fit either. I was lost and confused.
The summer between my sophomore and junior years was another pivotal point in time for me. This was the summer I first came across the term "gender fluid". A person I became friends with that summer mentioned the term as we were decorating posters for our camp's GSA. I asked him some more questions on what it meant and it seemed like the term explained how I felt. I was finally starting to feel comfortable with my gender. After some more research, I determined that this was how I felt. By the end of the summer, I came out to my then partner and many of my close friends.
During my junior year I decided that I would join my school's GSA. I'm really glad I did. I was able to connect with kids who understood what I was going through. National Coming Out Day was special for me that year. I decided to come out publicly on Facebook. I got a lot of support from my friends and extended family, but I also got a lot of questions. This constant stream of questions lead me to make this blog, because all those questions needed to be answered somewhere. After that came the YouTube channel that I'm working on starting up. I see good things for me in the future.
So, that's my story from start to finish. I hope you all enjoyed reading the queer story of my life. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions, please post them in the comments section below. If you have any personal questions, feel free to contact me at realqueerlife@gmail.com. Thank you all for listening to my story.
Lots of love,
Nick
Sunday, October 20, 2013
NEWSFLASH #3
Hello everyone!
Newsflash!!! I'm now a contributor to a YouTube channel called Real Queer Life. I'll be doing uploads on Thursdays, but the other contributors will be uploading videos throughout the week. I'm really excited to be part of this channel.We start uploading videos this week. If you're interested in watching the videos, click: http://www.youtube.com/user/RealQueerLife. If you would like to become a weekly contributor, please send an email to realqueerlife@gmail.com and we'll get back to you. I'm looking forward to getting this channel started!
Newsflash!!! I'm now a contributor to a YouTube channel called Real Queer Life. I'll be doing uploads on Thursdays, but the other contributors will be uploading videos throughout the week. I'm really excited to be part of this channel.We start uploading videos this week. If you're interested in watching the videos, click: http://www.youtube.com/user/RealQueerLife. If you would like to become a weekly contributor, please send an email to realqueerlife@gmail.com and we'll get back to you. I'm looking forward to getting this channel started!
Lots of love,
Nick
Friday, October 11, 2013
National Coming Out Day
Yesterday was October 11. Many of you know this as National Coming Out Day. For those of you who didn't know, now you do. This day marks something very important to me. Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of when I came out publicly. And by publicly, I mean that I wrote a rediculously long Facebook post and answered a hell of a lot of questions. Now, not everyone will feel comfortable doing that. I went about it in this manner because I have a lot of friends who live far away (some are international) and I wouldn't be able to tell them face-to-face. I also knew that my friends wouldn't have an issue with me telling them this. I'm so glad I was able to come out and receive such a positive response from the people I care about. For those who are able to come out in safe environments, I'm happy for you. For those who can't come out or are afraid to, I understand. I'm still scared to come out to my family. Just know that it does get better and there are plenty of people out there who love you, myself included, Yes, I love all of you. Remember that you don't have to come out if you're not ready. This is something only you can do.
If anyone wants to talk to me about coming out, or really anything, send an email to realqueerlife@gmail.com. I love hearing from you all. If you have a question or comment that isn't deeply personal, leave it in the comments section below. You'll be hearing more from me soon.
Lots of love,
Nick
Friday, August 2, 2013
Shit People Say to Pansexuals
Pansexuals are often misunderstood and judged because of their orientation. Many people just don't understand what it means to be pansexual. People sometimes make rude or ignorant remarks about pansexuality. Let's take a look at some of those comments and see why they shouldn't be said.
"Does that mean you're attracted to pans?": Yes, they have a sexual attraction to kitchenware. That was sarcasm, in case you're wondering. No, they aren't attracted to pots and pans. The prefix "pan-" means "all". So, people who are pansexual are attracted to people of all kinds of genders.
"Pansexuals are attracted to everyone.": That's not true either. In fact, that just sounds exhausting! Being attracted to everyone you see would just be draining. And a bit creepy too. Being pansexual means you are attracted to people despite their gender.
"Pansexual is just a fancier term for bisexual.": No, there is a clear difference between the two. Pansexuality means a person can be attracted to a someone of any gender. Bisexuality means that a person can be attracted to people of only two genders. There's a huge difference between two and all.
"Pansexuals need to make up their minds.": Pansexuals don't have to make up their minds on anything. They're fine just the way they are.
"Pansexuals are greedy.": How are they greedy? In fact, their quite the opposite. They're sharing their love with everyone. But seriously, their not stealing partners from people and hoarding them. That's really difficult to do and you'll probably get charged with unlawful detainment if you try it.
"They're so promiscuous.": Really? Just because someone is attracted to people of all genders doesn't mean they're sleeping around. Sexuality is a matter of who you're attracted to. It has nothing to do with how often you have sex. And if they are having lots of sex, who cares? It's none of your damn business what people do in the bedroom.
"It's just a phase. You'll grow out of it": Yeah, that's not how sexuality works. It tends to stay with you your entire life. I don't think life is "just a phase". Their sexuality isn't going away anytime soon. You need to get used to the fact that people can feel this way.
Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I've been away for a while, but now I'm back! If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions please leave them in the comments section below. I hope you liked what you read. If you want to read more from this series, click the link at the top of the page titled "Shit People Say: A Series".
Lots of love,
Nick
"Does that mean you're attracted to pans?": Yes, they have a sexual attraction to kitchenware. That was sarcasm, in case you're wondering. No, they aren't attracted to pots and pans. The prefix "pan-" means "all". So, people who are pansexual are attracted to people of all kinds of genders.
"Pansexuals are attracted to everyone.": That's not true either. In fact, that just sounds exhausting! Being attracted to everyone you see would just be draining. And a bit creepy too. Being pansexual means you are attracted to people despite their gender.
"Pansexual is just a fancier term for bisexual.": No, there is a clear difference between the two. Pansexuality means a person can be attracted to a someone of any gender. Bisexuality means that a person can be attracted to people of only two genders. There's a huge difference between two and all.
"Pansexuals need to make up their minds.": Pansexuals don't have to make up their minds on anything. They're fine just the way they are.
"Pansexuals are greedy.": How are they greedy? In fact, their quite the opposite. They're sharing their love with everyone. But seriously, their not stealing partners from people and hoarding them. That's really difficult to do and you'll probably get charged with unlawful detainment if you try it.
"They're so promiscuous.": Really? Just because someone is attracted to people of all genders doesn't mean they're sleeping around. Sexuality is a matter of who you're attracted to. It has nothing to do with how often you have sex. And if they are having lots of sex, who cares? It's none of your damn business what people do in the bedroom.
"It's just a phase. You'll grow out of it": Yeah, that's not how sexuality works. It tends to stay with you your entire life. I don't think life is "just a phase". Their sexuality isn't going away anytime soon. You need to get used to the fact that people can feel this way.
Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I've been away for a while, but now I'm back! If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions please leave them in the comments section below. I hope you liked what you read. If you want to read more from this series, click the link at the top of the page titled "Shit People Say: A Series".
Lots of love,
Nick
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
NEWSFLASH #2
As many of you have probably noticed, the WeAreTheLGBT YouTube channel has been shut down. YouTube malfunctioned and deleted our channel. We decided that it would be best if we didn't try to restart the channel. However, I still really wanted to be part of an LGBT YouTube channel. So, I've decided to start my own channel. It will be called "RealQueerLife" and it'll be up and running soon. But, I still need people to upload videos. If you're interested or you know someone who's interested, contact me through the channel's email, realqueerlife@gmail.com. I hope to be hearing from people soon! I can't wait for the channel to get kick-started!
Lots of love,
Nick
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Shit People Say to Lesbians
This one is a special request from one of my readers. So, without further ado, here are some things you should apologize for if you ever say them to a lesbian.
Sometimes said after a boy tries, and fails, to hook up with a lesbian: "I'm a lesbian too! Can I join?": Take your testosterone somewhere else! The lady said "No". Leave her alone. You're just freaking her out and offending her. Lay off.
"But you guys can't have real sex! The parts don't fit!": ... People find ways to "make the parts fit". If they couldn't, lesbian sex would be one of the most awkward things on the planet. But it's not. You don't need a penis and a vagina for it to be "real sex". Think for a moment about how everything could work.
"So who's the man in the relationship?": That would be me. This question is the equivalent of asking which chopstick is the fork. They are both women. There is no man in the equation for a reason.
"You just haven't been fucked right.": You don't have to has sex with someone to be attracted to them. It generally works the other way around. Whoever you're addressing has probably had great sex, but with other women.
"What made you a lesbian?": It's generally agreed upon that you're born that way, so nothing but genetics and hormones a fetus is exposed to could make someone a lesbian. There was no trauma that turned her away from men. She's just not interested.
"It's just a phase. You'll grow out of it.": That's really not something that tends to be a phase. People know who they're attracted to. Sexuality is too big of a factor to be that malleable.
"You're too young to know.": You wouldn't be saying that if she was dating a boy, would you? You don't think she's too young, you just don't want her to grow up and stay a lesbian. You're basically trying to argue the gay out if her. It's not an effective tactic.
I hope you like the series I'm writing. I'm going to keep going with it. If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, or concerns post them in the comments section below. Thanks for reading my ramblings!
Lots of love,
Nick
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Shit People Say to Asexuals
Here's a sexuality a lot of people don't understand: Asexuality. Without realizing it, people offend asexuals because they don't understand this sexual orientation. Here's some of the stuff people say to asexuals.
"How do you know that if you haven't had sex?": People can know their sexual orientation without having sex. People can know if their gay, straight, bi, or any other orientation without having sex with someone. Same goes for being asexual.
"You just haven't been fucked right.": No, that's not the case. Asexuals just are genuinely not interested in sex. It's not that they haven't found the right partner. They won't suddenly want sex after climbing into bed with someone. That's not how human beings work.
"So how do you reproduce? Mitosis?": Hardy har har. That joke isn't funny. Asexuals are not amoebas! They don't use budding or split in half to have kids. There is a huge difference between asexual reproduction (mitosis or budding) and being asexual. Remember, you're talking to humans, not bacteria.
"Isn't that the same as being celibate?": This question is rooted more in confusion than assholery. Being celibate is choosing to not have sex. Many priests and nuns are celibate. Many who are celibate use it as a way to get closer to a divine power. Asexuality is not being sexually attracted to anyone. Think of it this way: Celibacy is a choice, asexuality is not.
"So, sex grosses you out.": It honestly depends on the person. This is not necessarily the case for asexuals. Some are kind of freaked out by sex and some aren't. However, not liking the idea of sex is not what makes them asexual. Those are two completely different things. I was freaked out by sex for a while but that didn't make me asexual.
I hope you guys like "Shit People Say: A Series". I'm going to keep writing these kinds of posts until I run out of ideas. If you want to read more posts from the series, you can find a link at the top of the home page. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions leave them in the comments section below.
Lots of love,
Nick
P.S. I found this video on YouTube having to do with Shit People Say to Asexuals. Click below to watch it.
"How do you know that if you haven't had sex?": People can know their sexual orientation without having sex. People can know if their gay, straight, bi, or any other orientation without having sex with someone. Same goes for being asexual.
"You just haven't been fucked right.": No, that's not the case. Asexuals just are genuinely not interested in sex. It's not that they haven't found the right partner. They won't suddenly want sex after climbing into bed with someone. That's not how human beings work.
"So how do you reproduce? Mitosis?": Hardy har har. That joke isn't funny. Asexuals are not amoebas! They don't use budding or split in half to have kids. There is a huge difference between asexual reproduction (mitosis or budding) and being asexual. Remember, you're talking to humans, not bacteria.
"Isn't that the same as being celibate?": This question is rooted more in confusion than assholery. Being celibate is choosing to not have sex. Many priests and nuns are celibate. Many who are celibate use it as a way to get closer to a divine power. Asexuality is not being sexually attracted to anyone. Think of it this way: Celibacy is a choice, asexuality is not.
"So, sex grosses you out.": It honestly depends on the person. This is not necessarily the case for asexuals. Some are kind of freaked out by sex and some aren't. However, not liking the idea of sex is not what makes them asexual. Those are two completely different things. I was freaked out by sex for a while but that didn't make me asexual.
I hope you guys like "Shit People Say: A Series". I'm going to keep writing these kinds of posts until I run out of ideas. If you want to read more posts from the series, you can find a link at the top of the home page. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions leave them in the comments section below.
Lots of love,
Nick
P.S. I found this video on YouTube having to do with Shit People Say to Asexuals. Click below to watch it.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Shit People Say to Gay Men
What do you think of when your heat the words, "gay man"? I'm going to guess that you thought of a guy who is very feminine, hangs out with women all the time, and has good fashion sense. Was I spot on? That's the common "gay man" stereotype. In reality, not all gay men are like that. But, a lot of people want to fit others into the molds they've created. Here are a few comments people make to gay men.
"You don't look gay.": There's a look? Am I missing something? If there is, my gay friends have been getting this wrong all their lives. There is no "look" that gay men have. I don't think people can look like a sexual orientation. Just because he's not wearing pink all the time or saying "OMG I love those shoes!" every five seconds doesn't mean he's not gay. He just doesn't fit the stereotype.
"Do you want to be a woman or something?": That would be a big, fat, "no". If gay men wanted to be women, they would identify as transgender. There is a HUGE difference between the two! You don't need to be gay to be trans* and vice versa. Can we please separate these two ideas?
"You need to be with a woman. Then you'll reconsider." I'm pretty sure that if someone wanted to be with a woman, they would. Maybe the people making these comments should sleep with someone of the same sex. Maybe then they'll reconsider.
"Gay men hate women.": I think, judging from the gay man stereotypes, that that's not at all the case. Gay men don't hate women. Just because someone isn't attracted to a gender doesn't mean that the person hates that gender. I'm attracted to men, but not women. That doesn't mean that I hate women. I just would rather not climb into bed with a female.
I hope you guys like the series I'm working on called "Shit People Say: A Series". If you want to read more posts from the series, you can find a link to the series at the top of the home page. As always, if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions leave them in the comments section below. I love the feedback I've been getting from you guys, even the negative stuff. Hey, you know you're getting good when people start telling you to shut up. But believe me, I'm not going to keep quiet. Not anymore.
Lots of love,
Nick
P.S. One of my friends asked me to add this image to the blog. I thought this would be a good place to put it.
"You don't look gay.": There's a look? Am I missing something? If there is, my gay friends have been getting this wrong all their lives. There is no "look" that gay men have. I don't think people can look like a sexual orientation. Just because he's not wearing pink all the time or saying "OMG I love those shoes!" every five seconds doesn't mean he's not gay. He just doesn't fit the stereotype.
"Do you want to be a woman or something?": That would be a big, fat, "no". If gay men wanted to be women, they would identify as transgender. There is a HUGE difference between the two! You don't need to be gay to be trans* and vice versa. Can we please separate these two ideas?
"You need to be with a woman. Then you'll reconsider." I'm pretty sure that if someone wanted to be with a woman, they would. Maybe the people making these comments should sleep with someone of the same sex. Maybe then they'll reconsider.
"Gay men hate women.": I think, judging from the gay man stereotypes, that that's not at all the case. Gay men don't hate women. Just because someone isn't attracted to a gender doesn't mean that the person hates that gender. I'm attracted to men, but not women. That doesn't mean that I hate women. I just would rather not climb into bed with a female.
I hope you guys like the series I'm working on called "Shit People Say: A Series". If you want to read more posts from the series, you can find a link to the series at the top of the home page. As always, if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions leave them in the comments section below. I love the feedback I've been getting from you guys, even the negative stuff. Hey, you know you're getting good when people start telling you to shut up. But believe me, I'm not going to keep quiet. Not anymore.
Lots of love,
Nick
P.S. One of my friends asked me to add this image to the blog. I thought this would be a good place to put it.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
NEWSFLASH!!!
I have wonderful news! I auditioned to be part of a Youtube channel called "WeAreTheLGBT" and the channel loved my video! I'm now part of the "WeAretheLGBT" team! Yay! I get to be (maybe) Youtube famous!
But what does that mean for this blog? Well, it means a couple of things. First, the frequency of my posts will become more erratic. Whether I'll be posting less because I'll be busy with the channel or posting more because I'll have more ideas, I don't know. I'l probably have that figured out within the first few weeks of production. Second, I'm probably going to be stealing ideas from the blog to talk about on Youtube. I'll be honest with you, I'm not the most creative person in the world. A lot of the stuff I've written about so far have been reader requests or things my friends have said or asked me about. And the channel is asking me to make up a list of ideas for videos. I need to submit a list of about 10-15 ideas by the 21st of June. But I need everyone's help! If you have suggestions for video ideas, leave them in the comments section of the page titled "WeAreTheLGBT (Video) Ideas". Otherwise, I have to steal from the list you guys helped me make for the blog and I don't want to do that (but ideas can be on both lists).
Here's a link to the channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/WeAreTheLGBT
Subscribe please!
Thank you all so much for helping me out. If you have any comments questions, concerns, or ideas, you know what to do!
Lots of love,
Nick
But what does that mean for this blog? Well, it means a couple of things. First, the frequency of my posts will become more erratic. Whether I'll be posting less because I'll be busy with the channel or posting more because I'll have more ideas, I don't know. I'l probably have that figured out within the first few weeks of production. Second, I'm probably going to be stealing ideas from the blog to talk about on Youtube. I'll be honest with you, I'm not the most creative person in the world. A lot of the stuff I've written about so far have been reader requests or things my friends have said or asked me about. And the channel is asking me to make up a list of ideas for videos. I need to submit a list of about 10-15 ideas by the 21st of June. But I need everyone's help! If you have suggestions for video ideas, leave them in the comments section of the page titled "WeAreTheLGBT (Video) Ideas". Otherwise, I have to steal from the list you guys helped me make for the blog and I don't want to do that (but ideas can be on both lists).
Here's a link to the channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/WeAreTheLGBT
Subscribe please!
Thank you all so much for helping me out. If you have any comments questions, concerns, or ideas, you know what to do!
Lots of love,
Nick
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Shit People Say to Bisexuals
Bisexuals get a lot more than they bargained for when they come out. Instead of accepting bisexuals, a lot of people try to claim that bisexuality doesn't exist. In light of that, here's some of the shit that people say to bisexuals.
"You're gay, you just don't want to fully come out of the closet yet.": Yeah, I'm pretty sure that coming out as bi constitutes coming out of the closet. If you're not straight, you don't automatically become gay. There's a lot of grey area in between the two extremes.
"You're just confused.": Sexual attraction tends to be pretty clear cut. I don't think someone can really be confused by which gender they're attracted to. Bisexuals just happen to like more than one gender. Liking more than one gender doesn't make you confused.
"You can't like more than one gender. You have to pick one.": Let me set up an example for you. I like apples and I like bananas. If I like eating apples, does that mean I can't like bananas anymore? I didn't think so. Same applies to sexual orientation. Just because someone likes one gender doesn't mean they can't be attracted to another too.
"So, you like threesomes?": Can we just stop this stereotype right here? If you think that, you're watching far too much porn and you need to meet some real bisexuals. I have yet to meet a bisexual in real life who is okay with climbing into bed with more than one person. Three's a crowd, if you ask me.
"Are you dating a boy and a girl at the same time? How do you do it?": They don't, generally. Just because bisexuals are attracted to two genders doesn't mean that they're dating both at the same time. That just seems like it would be really tiring all the time. Handling one partner is enough.
"Bisexuals cheat all the time.": Whoever says this has a lot to learn about human relationships. Just because someone likes more than one gender doesn't mean that they will cheat one their current partner with someone who is the opposite sex of the partner. That's just not how relationships work. I dated someone who once identified as bisexual. And you know what, he didn't cheat on me. Ever. Just some food for thought.
I hope you guys like what you read because this post is part of a series I'm writing. It's called "Shit People Say: A Series". There will be more posts like this in the future. If any of you have questions, comments, concerns, or topics you want me to cover, leave them in the comments section below this post.
"You're gay, you just don't want to fully come out of the closet yet.": Yeah, I'm pretty sure that coming out as bi constitutes coming out of the closet. If you're not straight, you don't automatically become gay. There's a lot of grey area in between the two extremes.
"You're just confused.": Sexual attraction tends to be pretty clear cut. I don't think someone can really be confused by which gender they're attracted to. Bisexuals just happen to like more than one gender. Liking more than one gender doesn't make you confused.
"You can't like more than one gender. You have to pick one.": Let me set up an example for you. I like apples and I like bananas. If I like eating apples, does that mean I can't like bananas anymore? I didn't think so. Same applies to sexual orientation. Just because someone likes one gender doesn't mean they can't be attracted to another too.
"So, you like threesomes?": Can we just stop this stereotype right here? If you think that, you're watching far too much porn and you need to meet some real bisexuals. I have yet to meet a bisexual in real life who is okay with climbing into bed with more than one person. Three's a crowd, if you ask me.
"Are you dating a boy and a girl at the same time? How do you do it?": They don't, generally. Just because bisexuals are attracted to two genders doesn't mean that they're dating both at the same time. That just seems like it would be really tiring all the time. Handling one partner is enough.
"Bisexuals cheat all the time.": Whoever says this has a lot to learn about human relationships. Just because someone likes more than one gender doesn't mean that they will cheat one their current partner with someone who is the opposite sex of the partner. That's just not how relationships work. I dated someone who once identified as bisexual. And you know what, he didn't cheat on me. Ever. Just some food for thought.
I hope you guys like what you read because this post is part of a series I'm writing. It's called "Shit People Say: A Series". There will be more posts like this in the future. If any of you have questions, comments, concerns, or topics you want me to cover, leave them in the comments section below this post.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Bigotry in the LGBTQ Community: Can't We All Just Get Along?
My blog is all about promoting love and equality. I don't care who you are, what you look like, how you identify, or who you sleep with (as long as it's not with my current partner, then you should find a cave to hide in for a while). People are people and I love them. And the LGBTQ community is supposed to be about love and equality too. Isn't that why Prop 8 and DOMA are being fought in the Supreme Court right now? Unfortunately, there is a lot of exclusion in the LGBTQ community.
Do you know why I consider everyone who is gay, lesbian, bi, pan, trans* intersex, asexual, etc. part of a community? It's because they have common goals and dreams. They have all faced similar hardships during the same time period and stood side-by-side in many events like the Stonewall Riots. But I think people forget that. They forget that people are people, even if their sexuality or gender isn't like yours. There are people in the LGBTQ community who criticize others for not being like them. They say that other members of the community are "confused" or "just trying to sound better" or are "just weird". And when I hear things like that, I look at them like they have lobsters crawling out of their ears. Why? They sound exactly like the straight, cisgender people who have been suppressing them for so long. They are such hypocrites for doing that. Why are they hurting their own cause?
Maybe stereotypes have something to do with it. That's what I think. So, for the next few weeks, I'll be writing posts about stereotypes for individual gender and sexual orientations and debunking all of those lies. If you have any suggestions about orientations for me to cover or stereotypes you want me to discuss, please tell me in the comments section below. This post was short, but there will be a lot coming soon and they will be lengthier. As always, if you have any questions, comments, stories, or concerns, please write them in the comments section below.
Lots of love,
Nick
Do you know why I consider everyone who is gay, lesbian, bi, pan, trans* intersex, asexual, etc. part of a community? It's because they have common goals and dreams. They have all faced similar hardships during the same time period and stood side-by-side in many events like the Stonewall Riots. But I think people forget that. They forget that people are people, even if their sexuality or gender isn't like yours. There are people in the LGBTQ community who criticize others for not being like them. They say that other members of the community are "confused" or "just trying to sound better" or are "just weird". And when I hear things like that, I look at them like they have lobsters crawling out of their ears. Why? They sound exactly like the straight, cisgender people who have been suppressing them for so long. They are such hypocrites for doing that. Why are they hurting their own cause?
Maybe stereotypes have something to do with it. That's what I think. So, for the next few weeks, I'll be writing posts about stereotypes for individual gender and sexual orientations and debunking all of those lies. If you have any suggestions about orientations for me to cover or stereotypes you want me to discuss, please tell me in the comments section below. This post was short, but there will be a lot coming soon and they will be lengthier. As always, if you have any questions, comments, stories, or concerns, please write them in the comments section below.
Lots of love,
Nick
Monday, May 27, 2013
Coming Out to Family: It Sucks
Most of you are probably aware of this already, but there are still people I haven't come out to. This shrinking list of people in my life now includes mainly my family. Although your family is supposed to support you no matter what you do or who you are, there is a lot of risk involved with coming out to your family. My mom has an inkling that I'm trans*, and she's trying to force me out of the closet. I'm resisting this as much as I can. Why? I'm not ready to come out yet. While I know that not every coming out experience is horrible, I know mine will be hellish, to say the least. And I haven't heard such great stories from kids who have come out in homes where they weren't accepted.
*Note: I don't believe that all of these things will happen to me or to anyone coming out. Some of them will, and some of them will not. When it comes to me, I'm okay with whatever happens and I know how to take care of myself.*
One of the biggest risks associated with coming out to parents is being thrown out. Some parents are so repulsed by the idea of their kid differing from the "norm" that they actually throw the kid out onto the streets. LGBTQ youth make up 40% of the homeless youth population and the biggest reason for their homelessness is family rejection. Kids who are homeless are higher risk and are more likely to get involved in crime, mainly sex and drug trafficking. Most minors just aren't prepared to live on the streets all by themselves. I know that if I came out to my parents, this is most likely what would happen. I was planning on waiting until after college to come out, but I don't think that's an option anymore, making this a very real possibility.
Another possible scenario is physical abuse from the family. Some kids who come out face physical abuse from parents who are trying to "beat the gay out of them". Being punched, slapped, kicked, and otherwise assaulted is a reality for some kids who come out. Some, mostly teenage boys, have been sent to programs to "make them straight". I recently read an article about this happening at a camp outside the United States, and two boys died there. Both died from a combination of dehydration and regular beatings. This stuff actually does happen all over the world.
Finally, kids can face severe emotional abuse from family members when they come out. The above two scenarios are extreme (although the first one may happen to me). However, verbal and psychological abuse are much more common. Teenagers are harassed and rejected by their own siblings and parents. Today, I read a story about a girl who came out and moved out when she was 17 years old. She had to move back in a few years later, and her entire family turned against her. Her youngest brother tells her every day that she isn't his sister. Her little sister has a family photo prominently displayed in her bedroom with the girl's face cut out of it. Her family constantly tells her that she's going to Hell and that she's a horrible person. Although this may be the least extreme of the three scenarios, it may be the most harmful. It is very obvious if a kid is wandering the streets by themselves or if they have scars and bruises all over their bodies. What's not as obvious is the emotional scars left behind after being called names or being treated as less than by family. And while most physical wounds heal over time, time does not heal emotional scars. Those stay with you fr life.
Thank you for reading this rambling post. I just wanted to say all of this. I'm coming out to my parents soon. And sure, I might get kicked out. But, I still consider myself one of the lucky ones. I have many friends who have offered me a place to stay if anything happens to me. You know who you are, and thank you so much. You guys mean the world to me. But keep an eye out for kids who are having a tough time coming out at home. Just be there for them. Offer them a hot meal, maybe a place to crash for the night, a chance to get away for a little while. You'll never truly know how much it means to them.
If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or topics for discussion, please write in the comments section below. I want to hear from you guys. Give me ideas!
Lots of Love,
Nick
*Note: I don't believe that all of these things will happen to me or to anyone coming out. Some of them will, and some of them will not. When it comes to me, I'm okay with whatever happens and I know how to take care of myself.*
One of the biggest risks associated with coming out to parents is being thrown out. Some parents are so repulsed by the idea of their kid differing from the "norm" that they actually throw the kid out onto the streets. LGBTQ youth make up 40% of the homeless youth population and the biggest reason for their homelessness is family rejection. Kids who are homeless are higher risk and are more likely to get involved in crime, mainly sex and drug trafficking. Most minors just aren't prepared to live on the streets all by themselves. I know that if I came out to my parents, this is most likely what would happen. I was planning on waiting until after college to come out, but I don't think that's an option anymore, making this a very real possibility.
Another possible scenario is physical abuse from the family. Some kids who come out face physical abuse from parents who are trying to "beat the gay out of them". Being punched, slapped, kicked, and otherwise assaulted is a reality for some kids who come out. Some, mostly teenage boys, have been sent to programs to "make them straight". I recently read an article about this happening at a camp outside the United States, and two boys died there. Both died from a combination of dehydration and regular beatings. This stuff actually does happen all over the world.
Finally, kids can face severe emotional abuse from family members when they come out. The above two scenarios are extreme (although the first one may happen to me). However, verbal and psychological abuse are much more common. Teenagers are harassed and rejected by their own siblings and parents. Today, I read a story about a girl who came out and moved out when she was 17 years old. She had to move back in a few years later, and her entire family turned against her. Her youngest brother tells her every day that she isn't his sister. Her little sister has a family photo prominently displayed in her bedroom with the girl's face cut out of it. Her family constantly tells her that she's going to Hell and that she's a horrible person. Although this may be the least extreme of the three scenarios, it may be the most harmful. It is very obvious if a kid is wandering the streets by themselves or if they have scars and bruises all over their bodies. What's not as obvious is the emotional scars left behind after being called names or being treated as less than by family. And while most physical wounds heal over time, time does not heal emotional scars. Those stay with you fr life.
Thank you for reading this rambling post. I just wanted to say all of this. I'm coming out to my parents soon. And sure, I might get kicked out. But, I still consider myself one of the lucky ones. I have many friends who have offered me a place to stay if anything happens to me. You know who you are, and thank you so much. You guys mean the world to me. But keep an eye out for kids who are having a tough time coming out at home. Just be there for them. Offer them a hot meal, maybe a place to crash for the night, a chance to get away for a little while. You'll never truly know how much it means to them.
If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or topics for discussion, please write in the comments section below. I want to hear from you guys. Give me ideas!
Lots of Love,
Nick
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Trans* Kids and Prom: Avoiding Prama
Most high school students end up going to prom. Whether they go by themselves, with a date, or with a group of friends, prom is a great time. But prom can be dicey for trans* kids. At school, it's not so easy to tell if someone is trying to pass as a guy or a girl. At prom, it's pretty easy to tell the difference between suits/tuxedos and dresses. This dichotomy can make trans* kids stand out because they don't look quite like the other students. Here are two stories about trans* kids at prom. The first story is from a friend who I'll call Jennifer. The second story is about me and one of my trans* friends.
Jennifer messaged me the other day on Facebook to tell me the story about what happened to a trans* woman at her prom.
Jennifer messaged me the other day on Facebook to tell me the story about what happened to a trans* woman at her prom.
"Saturday was my Senior Prom, and my school goes all out: we still hold our prom in the gym, the students make all of the decorations, it's a whole big production and an important event in our community. The prom is so huge that it has ceased to matter whether or not you go with a date, or what gender your date is (I, personally, ended up going with a female friend because I don't have a boyfriend and date drama isn't my thing). You would think that all of the community spirit and love that goes into the making of this prom would extend, in some way, to acceptance for the transgender community, and their want to dress to their gender identity, not their body parts, and while the school doesn't seem to care (they are just happy when kids wear enough clothing to fully cover everything), the student body still holds some major prejudices. Sadly, I saw this first hand. While at prom I met a lovely trans-woman who, for privacy's sake we will call Ann. I had seen Ann on several other occasions in school, always dressed as a boy, but because my school is so large we had never really met. When I met her initially, all I felt was happiness that she felt comfortable coming to prom in full female garb: dress, heels, lipstick, the works. It wasn't until an acquaintance came over that I began to get angry for her sake. This person, who I will refer to as Bob, originally came over and questioned my date and I about Ann's identity. After realizing that Ann was, indeed, a trans-woman, Bob left. Five minutes later, he came back with two friends. Bob looked at my date and I and said "these two wanted to see 'her', so I'm going to pretend to talk to you". At that point I was severely annoyed. I don't think Ann realized what was going on, but her lack of knowledge did not make what they were doing right. I figured that if they wanted to stare at something they could find it else where; Ann is a person, not a freak show. So I did what I figured any sane person would do: I calmly stepped to the other side of my date, blocking their view. I didn't want to make a scene, and I'm not sure if they realized I did so on purpose. My date did realize what I was doing, and asked me later about it: she is fully aware of the fact that I have strong feelings on the matter of LBGT equality, and I am fully aware that she does not share in the level of my feelings, but to me, what I did was worth it. Ann may never know, if she does, it may not even matter to her, but it did matter to me."
Jennifer did the right thing at her prom. I'm so glad that she stood up for the trans* woman. The best thing to do is to not make a scene. There's no need to draw even more attention toward the situation. But, if there's continuous verbal harassment or violence involved, you definitely should draw attention to the incident. Especially get the attention of the teachers. I don't care how much a teacher hates the trans* community, they legally cannot allow the abuse to continue (depending on the state).
Now for my story. I know quite a few trans* people and most of them go to my school. One of them is a trans* man and he is one of my best friends. Let's call him John. Unlike some schools, my school doesn't host a post prom party. So I ended up hosting it at my house. Pre-prom was hosted by one of my other friends and John was invited to both parties. When my mom asked who was coming to the post prom party and I told her John and his girlfriend (we'll call her Stacey) were coming over, she flew off the handle.
"How dare you invite her over when you know how I feel about 'those people'. How could she embarrass her family like that? And what about Stacey? Is she a girl?" my mother repeated so many times, constantly using the wrong pronouns and name.
"Is she a girl?" and "Is he a boy?" is my mom's way of asking if someone is transgender. It's very rude, if you ask me. My mom was so stressed out the day of prom. She actually wanted to keep me from being in the same prom photos as John. Bigoted much? And then she banned John and Stacey from PDA when they came over. Meanwhile, all of my friends were sucking faces with their dates and my mom had no problem with it.
My mom also said, "I don't accept those people and I never will." Ouch, mom. What she doesn't realize is that her kid is transgender and every word she said cut me like a knife. One day she will look back and be embarrassed that she ever said those horrible things. Or maybe not. Maybe she'll just be a bigot for the rest of her life. But if she stays this way, she;ll have a child walk out of her life.
Now, what do you do in a situation like this? I warned John about the possibility of my parents not reacting well to his presence, and he was okay with that. Let the person know what they might be getting into beforehand. The person may decide that it's not in their best interest to go, and you need to respect that. It's best not to stir the pot, especially since most people at prom are minors. You don't want to cause too much prama under your parents' roof. I talked to my dad about what was going on (he's much more accepting than my mom). I was able to have a serious, level-headed discussion with him about how he feels about me having my trans* friends over. Try to stay calm. If you get aggravated, so will whoever you're arguing with. You can't change someone's mind by screaming at them. That only turns people off. As long as you keep your wits about you and you have a good head on your shoulders, it'll work out just fine. Remember, education is the key to acceptance.
If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions for posts please post in the comments section below. I love hearing from you guys and I want some fresh ideas.
Lots of love,
Nick
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Pride Week: An Overview
So, this week was Pride Week at my school. This was our second year doing this and my first being involved in running it. I'm really glad that I got to be part of it this year. I had so much fun this week, it was unbelievable. So here's a rundown of what happened:
Monday - General Pride Day: Monday was the opening day for us. We had Ryan Cassata present during all of our lunch periods and he was totally awesome! He gave an amazing presentation on being trans* (four actually) and he's one of the coolest dudes I've ever met. I'm so glad he came to my school. He made some great changes while he was there. After my Assistant principal sat through some of the presentations and talked with a transgender student, he decided that he would allow the trans* students to use whichever bathroom they choose. This is an amazing step forward for my school, where the only gender-neutral bathroom is out of the way in the nurses' office. Now, the bathrooms are open to all. Thanks Ryan, for helping to bring that change about.
NOTE: By the time this was published, the bathroom privileges had been revoked for trans* students. We're working to have that rectified. It seems we still have a ways to go in my school.
UPDATE 5/27/2013: As of a few weeks ago, trans* students can use the gender-neutral staff bathrooms after they talk with a school administrator. Staff were sent an email notifying them about any students who were planning on using the staff bathrooms. I am planning on getting this permission for the upcoming school year.
Tuesday - Trans* Day: We had a really cool informational poster set up in the common area in my school. A couple kids stopped and read the poster, but no one asked any questions. Either the poster did a really good job explaining or they were to shy to ask. What kids did ask a lot of questions about was our LGBT celebrities wall. I saw people stop and ask their friends what "androgynous" and "asexual" meant so I made sure I stopped and explained everything to them. I think the wall was more educational than we intended it to be.
Wednesday - Bi Day: This was the most jam-packed day of the week. We (again) had a poster set up in the school's common area. Paired with that, we had face painting. We painted red equal signs (support for the two cases being heard by the Supreme Court dealing with marriage equality) and pink triangles (gay pride symbol). It was a lot of fun. Messy, but fun. We also had a scavenger hunt. We printed out miniature bisexual flags and hid them around the school. If someone found any of the flags, they could go to the GSA adviser's classroom and answer a question about bisexual stereotypes. If they answered correctly, they got a piece of candy. I'm still not sure who won...
Thursday - Wellness Day: Alright, this day actually wasn't part of Pride Week. It's something my school plans every year. We get to skip our classes to go to special courses and hear guest speakers. The only reason why I'm mentioning this day is because we had Michael Fowlin and Zach Wahls as guest speakers. Michael Fowlin is an actor and psychologist who talks about... well, he talks about a lot of things. One of his main ideas is that words really can hurt people. And even though we've heard that message so many times, it's nice to hear it from someone new (who happens to be great at making strange voices). Zach Wahls is a college student who spoke at the Iowa House Judiciary Committee to fight legislation that would have made same-sex marriage illegal. He was a fantastic young man who dispelled the stereotypes that go along with having two moms. They are both wonderful speakers and we were so lucky to have them present at our school.
Friday - Day of Silence: For those of you who don't know, Day of Silence is a day when you can choose to be silent to support those who have been bullied into silence or even suicide. The day was quite successful, and many conversations were sparked about what the day meant. All of the students and staff were very respectful of those participating. And after all of that, we had a party! My GSA hosted another school's GSA at our school for a Breaking the Silence Party. I really didn't know what to expect, but it was a lot of fun and I met so many new people. We had a great discussion about how Pride Week, specifically the Day of Silence, went for both schools. After we determined that both schools had a successful day, there was plenty of pizza to be had.
All in all, this was a great week for my school and I'm so glad I got to be part of it. I can't wait until next year!
Reminder: Please, please, PLEASE, post questions, comments, and suggestions for topics for me to write about in the comments section below. I really want to hear from you guys.
Lots of love,
Nick
Monday - General Pride Day: Monday was the opening day for us. We had Ryan Cassata present during all of our lunch periods and he was totally awesome! He gave an amazing presentation on being trans* (four actually) and he's one of the coolest dudes I've ever met. I'm so glad he came to my school. He made some great changes while he was there. After my Assistant principal sat through some of the presentations and talked with a transgender student, he decided that he would allow the trans* students to use whichever bathroom they choose. This is an amazing step forward for my school, where the only gender-neutral bathroom is out of the way in the nurses' office. Now, the bathrooms are open to all. Thanks Ryan, for helping to bring that change about.
NOTE: By the time this was published, the bathroom privileges had been revoked for trans* students. We're working to have that rectified. It seems we still have a ways to go in my school.
UPDATE 5/27/2013: As of a few weeks ago, trans* students can use the gender-neutral staff bathrooms after they talk with a school administrator. Staff were sent an email notifying them about any students who were planning on using the staff bathrooms. I am planning on getting this permission for the upcoming school year.
Tuesday - Trans* Day: We had a really cool informational poster set up in the common area in my school. A couple kids stopped and read the poster, but no one asked any questions. Either the poster did a really good job explaining or they were to shy to ask. What kids did ask a lot of questions about was our LGBT celebrities wall. I saw people stop and ask their friends what "androgynous" and "asexual" meant so I made sure I stopped and explained everything to them. I think the wall was more educational than we intended it to be.
Wednesday - Bi Day: This was the most jam-packed day of the week. We (again) had a poster set up in the school's common area. Paired with that, we had face painting. We painted red equal signs (support for the two cases being heard by the Supreme Court dealing with marriage equality) and pink triangles (gay pride symbol). It was a lot of fun. Messy, but fun. We also had a scavenger hunt. We printed out miniature bisexual flags and hid them around the school. If someone found any of the flags, they could go to the GSA adviser's classroom and answer a question about bisexual stereotypes. If they answered correctly, they got a piece of candy. I'm still not sure who won...
Thursday - Wellness Day: Alright, this day actually wasn't part of Pride Week. It's something my school plans every year. We get to skip our classes to go to special courses and hear guest speakers. The only reason why I'm mentioning this day is because we had Michael Fowlin and Zach Wahls as guest speakers. Michael Fowlin is an actor and psychologist who talks about... well, he talks about a lot of things. One of his main ideas is that words really can hurt people. And even though we've heard that message so many times, it's nice to hear it from someone new (who happens to be great at making strange voices). Zach Wahls is a college student who spoke at the Iowa House Judiciary Committee to fight legislation that would have made same-sex marriage illegal. He was a fantastic young man who dispelled the stereotypes that go along with having two moms. They are both wonderful speakers and we were so lucky to have them present at our school.
Friday - Day of Silence: For those of you who don't know, Day of Silence is a day when you can choose to be silent to support those who have been bullied into silence or even suicide. The day was quite successful, and many conversations were sparked about what the day meant. All of the students and staff were very respectful of those participating. And after all of that, we had a party! My GSA hosted another school's GSA at our school for a Breaking the Silence Party. I really didn't know what to expect, but it was a lot of fun and I met so many new people. We had a great discussion about how Pride Week, specifically the Day of Silence, went for both schools. After we determined that both schools had a successful day, there was plenty of pizza to be had.
All in all, this was a great week for my school and I'm so glad I got to be part of it. I can't wait until next year!
Reminder: Please, please, PLEASE, post questions, comments, and suggestions for topics for me to write about in the comments section below. I really want to hear from you guys.
Lots of love,
Nick
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Cisgender Privilege: Some People Just Don't Get It
"Hey Nick," my brother asked the other day, "why do you go around telling people that you're gender fluid? Do you really have to tell everyone?"
"Well, yes." I responded.
"Why? Why do you have to be so out there?"
I get this a lot from him. He's still young, so I understand how he still doesn't really grasp how being trans* has affected my life other than the fact that he can't tell our mom and dad about my being trans*. But he's not the only person out there who doesn't get it. Being trans* has a huge impact on how you live your life. Cis people don't realize that the things they take for granted become a lot harder to do or access when someone's trans*.
Bathrooms: Do you have any idea how difficult it is to use the bathroom as a trans* person? There's always a fear that you will be thrown out of the bathroom because you "don't look like a man/woman." In some places, there are gender-neutral bathrooms. However, my school doesn't have any. Well, there's one, but it's in the nurses office which is away from most classrooms. Some days I walk up to the bathrooms at my school, look left towards the boys bathroom, look right towards the girls bathroom, and then turn around and head back to class. Why? It may not be safe for me to use either of them. The girls could scream and try to kick me out. The guys could try to beat me up. While that probably wouldn't happen at my school, I'd rather not take the risk.
Getting a Job: There is still a lot of discrimination in the workplace against people in the LGBTQ community. It becomes much harder to find a job if you're open about your sexual/gender orientation. In some parts of the country, yes the U.S., it is legal for someone to deny you a job or even fire you because you are transgender. 97% of trans* people have been mistreated at work because they are trans*. Also, the unemployment rate for trans* people is double the national average. They can't get jobs or are fired simply because of who they are.
Housing: Just like in the workforce, there are a lot of trans* people who can't find proper housing because they are trans* According to the National transgender Center for Equality, about 19% of trans* people have experienced homelessness. That is much higher than it should be. 19% of trans* people have also been denied housing because they are out. People should not have to hide who they are just so they can get some decent housing.
Medical Care: This one may seem odd, but it is a real issue. About 50% of trans* people often have to educate their own doctors on what being transgender is and what it means for their health (NCTE). I know I've had to educate some people I really shouldn't have had to simply because they're doctors and they should know at least the basics. Also, many trans* people are denied medical care because of their trans* status. 19% of trans* people report being denied medical treatment because of their trans* status.
Despite what people say about America being a nation of liberty and justice for all, it really is a nation of cisgender privilege. No one should be denied any right given to an American citizen simply because their gender doesn't match their sex. However, this kind of discrimination happens every day in the United States. So much for being the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Sorry this was a heavy one today. I just felt like I needed to say this. If you have any comments, questions, or suggestions for topics for me to write about, post them in the comments section below. Thanks, and I'll see you soon.
Lots of love,
Nick
P.S.: All statistics come from the National Transgender Center Center for Equality. To see their full website, click here: http://transequality.org/index.html
To see their page of statistics, click here: http://transequality.org/PDFs/Executive_Summary.pdf
"Well, yes." I responded.
"Why? Why do you have to be so out there?"
I get this a lot from him. He's still young, so I understand how he still doesn't really grasp how being trans* has affected my life other than the fact that he can't tell our mom and dad about my being trans*. But he's not the only person out there who doesn't get it. Being trans* has a huge impact on how you live your life. Cis people don't realize that the things they take for granted become a lot harder to do or access when someone's trans*.
Bathrooms: Do you have any idea how difficult it is to use the bathroom as a trans* person? There's always a fear that you will be thrown out of the bathroom because you "don't look like a man/woman." In some places, there are gender-neutral bathrooms. However, my school doesn't have any. Well, there's one, but it's in the nurses office which is away from most classrooms. Some days I walk up to the bathrooms at my school, look left towards the boys bathroom, look right towards the girls bathroom, and then turn around and head back to class. Why? It may not be safe for me to use either of them. The girls could scream and try to kick me out. The guys could try to beat me up. While that probably wouldn't happen at my school, I'd rather not take the risk.
Getting a Job: There is still a lot of discrimination in the workplace against people in the LGBTQ community. It becomes much harder to find a job if you're open about your sexual/gender orientation. In some parts of the country, yes the U.S., it is legal for someone to deny you a job or even fire you because you are transgender. 97% of trans* people have been mistreated at work because they are trans*. Also, the unemployment rate for trans* people is double the national average. They can't get jobs or are fired simply because of who they are.
Housing: Just like in the workforce, there are a lot of trans* people who can't find proper housing because they are trans* According to the National transgender Center for Equality, about 19% of trans* people have experienced homelessness. That is much higher than it should be. 19% of trans* people have also been denied housing because they are out. People should not have to hide who they are just so they can get some decent housing.
Medical Care: This one may seem odd, but it is a real issue. About 50% of trans* people often have to educate their own doctors on what being transgender is and what it means for their health (NCTE). I know I've had to educate some people I really shouldn't have had to simply because they're doctors and they should know at least the basics. Also, many trans* people are denied medical care because of their trans* status. 19% of trans* people report being denied medical treatment because of their trans* status.
Despite what people say about America being a nation of liberty and justice for all, it really is a nation of cisgender privilege. No one should be denied any right given to an American citizen simply because their gender doesn't match their sex. However, this kind of discrimination happens every day in the United States. So much for being the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Sorry this was a heavy one today. I just felt like I needed to say this. If you have any comments, questions, or suggestions for topics for me to write about, post them in the comments section below. Thanks, and I'll see you soon.
Lots of love,
Nick
P.S.: All statistics come from the National Transgender Center Center for Equality. To see their full website, click here: http://transequality.org/index.html
To see their page of statistics, click here: http://transequality.org/PDFs/Executive_Summary.pdf
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Coming Out: Does it Ever End?
Coming out is a process specific to people of the LGBTQ community. For those of you who don't know what "coming out" means, it is the process of disclosing to people what your sexual and/or gender orientation is. "So what's the big deal? Once you come out it's over, right?" Well, not exactly.
With over 7 billion people in the world, there is always someone new to meet and explain your story to. This means that the process never really ends. The overall goal is to have everyone in your life aware of your identification with the LGBTQ community. However, new people walk into our lives all the time. This means that you always have a new person to explain yourself to. While this may not be a problem for some people (I'm pretty vocal about my gender/sexual orientation), others may have a harder time coming out.
The most important part of coming out is comfort. You should only come out when you feel ready to. It's pretty hard to go back into the closet once you've come out, so you need to be prepared. It can be really difficult coming out, especially to your family and close friends. However, it does get easier with time. The first person I came out to, I made her guess what I wanted to tell her. When I came out to my boyfriend, I called him and stalled for 45 minutes before actually telling him. That was in August. Now, I'm quite willing to tell people about my gender identity. I came out on Facebook on National Coming Out Day (October 11). I still struggle sometimes though. My biggest issue is coming out to my parents. I'm still figuring out how to do that. As comfortable as I seem with my sexual/gender orientation, coming out still makes me nervous and even scares me a bit.
For some of you, coming out is especially hard. Some of you (like me) are in homes where your families aren't supportive. Some of you go to schools where the students and staff don't respect who you are. And some of you feel like you are being treated as less than by your church or place of worship (My church is okay with my trans* status, but it doesn't support the gay community. Strange, I know.). If anybody wants to talk to me about coming out, ask questions about how to do it, or just express your concerns, please contact me. I'm always here to talk to you. My email is kittypal853@gmail.com. I'm always here for you.
If you have any questions or comments about this post, please put them in the comments section below (or send them to my email if you want to remain anonymous).
Lots of Love,
Nick
With over 7 billion people in the world, there is always someone new to meet and explain your story to. This means that the process never really ends. The overall goal is to have everyone in your life aware of your identification with the LGBTQ community. However, new people walk into our lives all the time. This means that you always have a new person to explain yourself to. While this may not be a problem for some people (I'm pretty vocal about my gender/sexual orientation), others may have a harder time coming out.
The most important part of coming out is comfort. You should only come out when you feel ready to. It's pretty hard to go back into the closet once you've come out, so you need to be prepared. It can be really difficult coming out, especially to your family and close friends. However, it does get easier with time. The first person I came out to, I made her guess what I wanted to tell her. When I came out to my boyfriend, I called him and stalled for 45 minutes before actually telling him. That was in August. Now, I'm quite willing to tell people about my gender identity. I came out on Facebook on National Coming Out Day (October 11). I still struggle sometimes though. My biggest issue is coming out to my parents. I'm still figuring out how to do that. As comfortable as I seem with my sexual/gender orientation, coming out still makes me nervous and even scares me a bit.
For some of you, coming out is especially hard. Some of you (like me) are in homes where your families aren't supportive. Some of you go to schools where the students and staff don't respect who you are. And some of you feel like you are being treated as less than by your church or place of worship (My church is okay with my trans* status, but it doesn't support the gay community. Strange, I know.). If anybody wants to talk to me about coming out, ask questions about how to do it, or just express your concerns, please contact me. I'm always here to talk to you. My email is kittypal853@gmail.com. I'm always here for you.
If you have any questions or comments about this post, please put them in the comments section below (or send them to my email if you want to remain anonymous).
Lots of Love,
Nick
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Relationships: Trans* Edition
Dating is difficult. I don't care who's in the relationship, how many people are involved, or where you live. But for some people, dating is made even more difficult. People who are trans* tend to have a more difficult time while dating because of preconceived notions that their partners may have. Here are some of the DO's and DON'T's of dating a trans* person.
DO respect boundaries: Everyone has limits on what they're willing to do. Trans* people are no exception. Respecting boundaries is a necessary part of any relationship.
DON'T make inappropriate comments about your partner's body: People are sensitive about their body, some more so than others. However, people who are transgender may have different aspects that they're sensitive about. Comments about hormone use or surgery (if used) are not appropriate. Check out the video at the bottom for a poem about trans* bodies and relationships.
DO show lots of support for your partner: Relationships are all about love, trust, and support. Be there for your partner, no matter what happens. Come rain, snow, or transition surgery, your partner needs your love and care.
DON'T rely on prejudices: There are a lot of misconceptions about the trans* community. Ideas like "Trans* people are sex workers" and "Trans* people aren't real men/women." It's really bad to go into a relationship with these prejudices in mind. They're unhealthy and can ruin relationships. Keeping an open mind is the key to fostering a healthy relationship.
These guidelines are important in any relationship, but they may need to be tailored to fit a relationship where one or more partners are transgender. Just remember that people just want to love and be loved. Feel free to post any questions in the comments. I'll try my best to answer them.
Lots of love,
Nick
How to Make Love to a Trans* Person by Gabe Moses
DO respect boundaries: Everyone has limits on what they're willing to do. Trans* people are no exception. Respecting boundaries is a necessary part of any relationship.
DON'T make inappropriate comments about your partner's body: People are sensitive about their body, some more so than others. However, people who are transgender may have different aspects that they're sensitive about. Comments about hormone use or surgery (if used) are not appropriate. Check out the video at the bottom for a poem about trans* bodies and relationships.
DO show lots of support for your partner: Relationships are all about love, trust, and support. Be there for your partner, no matter what happens. Come rain, snow, or transition surgery, your partner needs your love and care.
DON'T rely on prejudices: There are a lot of misconceptions about the trans* community. Ideas like "Trans* people are sex workers" and "Trans* people aren't real men/women." It's really bad to go into a relationship with these prejudices in mind. They're unhealthy and can ruin relationships. Keeping an open mind is the key to fostering a healthy relationship.
These guidelines are important in any relationship, but they may need to be tailored to fit a relationship where one or more partners are transgender. Just remember that people just want to love and be loved. Feel free to post any questions in the comments. I'll try my best to answer them.
Lots of love,
Nick
How to Make Love to a Trans* Person by Gabe Moses
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Transgender - We're Not Confused
People have a lot of misconceptions about what it means to be transgender. Because of this, they tend to ask rude and inconsiderate questions or say things which are offensive. Some people ask questions and say things because they're mean, others because they just don't know how offensive it is. Let's take a look at a few of those questions/ statements:
"What's your real name? You know, your birth name?": This is meant to destroy the validity of someone's gender identity. I know some of you are just curious, but there's a reason why people who are trans* tend to change their names. They don't identify with the name given to them by their parents, and they don't want it to be part of their story. They want you to know them as they are now, not as they used to be.
"It's just a phase, you'll get over it.": Umm... We're not dying our hair or getting piercings here. Being transgender may (but not always) constitute surgery and hormone treatments. Yes, those are permanent, so you can bet that anyone who is suggesting that is pretty serious. And it's not growing pains either. You don't "grow into your gender".
Anything that has to do with genitals: Why do you care? Their mine, not yours! I don't ask you about your sex organs, so don't ask me about mine. That's just nosy.
"You're not really a girl/boy because you haven't had surgery/hormone treatment": You don't have to have specific genitals to be male or female. And your hormones certainly have nothing to do with it. And for some people, there aren't any hormone therapies or surgeries that match their gender identity (I'm looking at you, gender fluid and third gender people). Gender is a self-identity. It has nothing to do with DNA or hormones or how you dress. It's about how people feel and see themselves. You have no right to deem what someone else's gender is simply because they don't meet your requirements.
"It's not on your birth certificate/passport/other legal document so I can address you as a boy/girl even though you want me to address you as a girl/boy": Okay, if you're saying this, you're a real jerk. Since when do documents define who we are. Documents can be changed, lost, and completely remade. Why does a little piece of paper determine who I am?
Just remember, always be kind and considerate. You never know who's listening.
Please, feel free to post questions in the comments section below. I love responding to you guys.
Love,
Nick
"What's your real name? You know, your birth name?": This is meant to destroy the validity of someone's gender identity. I know some of you are just curious, but there's a reason why people who are trans* tend to change their names. They don't identify with the name given to them by their parents, and they don't want it to be part of their story. They want you to know them as they are now, not as they used to be.
"It's just a phase, you'll get over it.": Umm... We're not dying our hair or getting piercings here. Being transgender may (but not always) constitute surgery and hormone treatments. Yes, those are permanent, so you can bet that anyone who is suggesting that is pretty serious. And it's not growing pains either. You don't "grow into your gender".
Anything that has to do with genitals: Why do you care? Their mine, not yours! I don't ask you about your sex organs, so don't ask me about mine. That's just nosy.
"You're not really a girl/boy because you haven't had surgery/hormone treatment": You don't have to have specific genitals to be male or female. And your hormones certainly have nothing to do with it. And for some people, there aren't any hormone therapies or surgeries that match their gender identity (I'm looking at you, gender fluid and third gender people). Gender is a self-identity. It has nothing to do with DNA or hormones or how you dress. It's about how people feel and see themselves. You have no right to deem what someone else's gender is simply because they don't meet your requirements.
"It's not on your birth certificate/passport/other legal document so I can address you as a boy/girl even though you want me to address you as a girl/boy": Okay, if you're saying this, you're a real jerk. Since when do documents define who we are. Documents can be changed, lost, and completely remade. Why does a little piece of paper determine who I am?
Just remember, always be kind and considerate. You never know who's listening.
Please, feel free to post questions in the comments section below. I love responding to you guys.
Love,
Nick
Friday, March 1, 2013
Gender is a Universe
"While squatting down to take a piss in a bathroom stall, I read, 'Gender is a universe and we are all stars scribbled on the wall'," is the opening line for Lacey Roop's poem "Gender is a Universe" (link below). And while I don't usually approve of looking to bathroom stalls for wisdom, I think I can make an exception here. Gender is such a broad term, and we all fall inside of it in different places. Each person has their own variation on their gender identity. That's what makes us all unique. But, society does try to dictate what "male" and "female" means and tends to exclude gender non-binary people. Society's rules are what create gender in the first place. Gender is the social expectations, roles, and behavior associated with a specific sex.
The other day, I was asked about what being gender fluid really means. For me, it means that my gender identity changes constantly, that I'm not confined to any set of gender roles or stereotypes. That my behavior can change, but it's just part of being me. I'm not confused and I'm not "just a tomboy". That's how I see my gender identity, but others may use the same title and have a completely different experience with their gender.
Someone also commented that everyone is a little gender fluid. I have to agree. I don't know anyone who truly fits society's description of "male" and "female". Those gender roles and expectations are too limiting for most people to abide by. This is very similar to the "everyone's a little bit gay" idea. And while there is so much variation in how gender is perceived, there is also a lot of flexibility in how gender labels are used. There are many feminine males and just as many masculine females, but that doesn't necessarily change their gender identity. Just remember to be respectful of the gender people prefer to identify with. Just because someone follows some expectations and roles of a specific gender doesn't mean that they identify as such. Remember, be courteous and don't be afraid to ask about preferred pronouns.
Lots of Love,
Nick
Gender is a Universe:
The other day, I was asked about what being gender fluid really means. For me, it means that my gender identity changes constantly, that I'm not confined to any set of gender roles or stereotypes. That my behavior can change, but it's just part of being me. I'm not confused and I'm not "just a tomboy". That's how I see my gender identity, but others may use the same title and have a completely different experience with their gender.
Someone also commented that everyone is a little gender fluid. I have to agree. I don't know anyone who truly fits society's description of "male" and "female". Those gender roles and expectations are too limiting for most people to abide by. This is very similar to the "everyone's a little bit gay" idea. And while there is so much variation in how gender is perceived, there is also a lot of flexibility in how gender labels are used. There are many feminine males and just as many masculine females, but that doesn't necessarily change their gender identity. Just remember to be respectful of the gender people prefer to identify with. Just because someone follows some expectations and roles of a specific gender doesn't mean that they identify as such. Remember, be courteous and don't be afraid to ask about preferred pronouns.
Lots of Love,
Nick
Gender is a Universe:
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Pronouns - What's Up With Them?
A lot of people I know have questions about pronouns and how to use them. Okay, maybe not he, she, and it, but some of the more obscure pronouns can seem confusing. Most pronouns are either masculine or feminine. The male pronouns in English are He/Him/His/His/Himself. The female ones are She/Her/Her/Hers/Herself. And that all seems fine, but there's a problem. There are plenty of people who don't identify as male or female. Are there pronouns for those people? Absolutely! They're called gender neutral pronouns. There are many different sets of gender neutral pronouns, but here are the ones I prefer to use.
Ze/Hir/Hir/Hirs/Hirself : These are the pronouns I prefer to use. Ze, pronounced "zee", and Hir, pronounced "here", are two of the most common gender neutral pronouns. NOTE: There are a few different ways to spell "ze", but this is the spelling I use. Example: Ze is going to the movies tonight. That is hir ticket. Ze likes hirself.
There are a lot more gender neutral pronouns than that. It can be a little difficult to keep track of them, so I'll list a few more sets.
Xe/Xem/Xyr/Xyrs/Xemself
E/Em/Eir/Eirs/Emself
Ve/Ver/Vis/Vis/Virself
Yo/Yon/Yos/Yos/Yoself
Ne/Nem/Nir/Nirs/Nemself
They/Them/Their/Theirs/Theirself
WARNING: "It" is a gender neutral pronoun. That does not mean that you can call someone who is gender non-binary an "it". It's dehumanizing and just plain rude. How would you like to be called an "it"? DON'T DO IT!!!!
What's the importance of pronouns? Well, they shape our reality. And I don't mean that the pronouns you use can change the laws of physics, but they do determine the world we live in. Whether you use male, female, or gender neutral pronouns determines the kinds of interactions you have with the rest of society. Pronouns are an important part of our identity, even if we don't realize it. And because it's so important, they should be respected. If someone tells you that they are gender non-binary (gender fluid, third gender, agender, etc.), you should ask what their preferred pronouns are. It's better to get that out of the way in the beginning than to call someone by the wrong pronouns. As I said before, "it" is not an acceptable pronoun. Also, "he/she" is really rude. That is a derogatory term, so don't ever use it. Overall, just be respectful of each other. People should be able to use whatever pronouns they want.
Please, feel free to post questions in the comments below. I will answer questions in future posts, so ask away!
Best Wishes,
Nick
P.S. Here's one of my favorite spoken-word poems. It's all about being transgender and using pronouns. It's titled "Hir".
Ze/Hir/Hir/Hirs/Hirself : These are the pronouns I prefer to use. Ze, pronounced "zee", and Hir, pronounced "here", are two of the most common gender neutral pronouns. NOTE: There are a few different ways to spell "ze", but this is the spelling I use. Example: Ze is going to the movies tonight. That is hir ticket. Ze likes hirself.
There are a lot more gender neutral pronouns than that. It can be a little difficult to keep track of them, so I'll list a few more sets.
Xe/Xem/Xyr/Xyrs/Xemself
E/Em/Eir/Eirs/Emself
Ve/Ver/Vis/Vis/Virself
Yo/Yon/Yos/Yos/Yoself
Ne/Nem/Nir/Nirs/Nemself
They/Them/Their/Theirs/Theirself
WARNING: "It" is a gender neutral pronoun. That does not mean that you can call someone who is gender non-binary an "it". It's dehumanizing and just plain rude. How would you like to be called an "it"? DON'T DO IT!!!!
What's the importance of pronouns? Well, they shape our reality. And I don't mean that the pronouns you use can change the laws of physics, but they do determine the world we live in. Whether you use male, female, or gender neutral pronouns determines the kinds of interactions you have with the rest of society. Pronouns are an important part of our identity, even if we don't realize it. And because it's so important, they should be respected. If someone tells you that they are gender non-binary (gender fluid, third gender, agender, etc.), you should ask what their preferred pronouns are. It's better to get that out of the way in the beginning than to call someone by the wrong pronouns. As I said before, "it" is not an acceptable pronoun. Also, "he/she" is really rude. That is a derogatory term, so don't ever use it. Overall, just be respectful of each other. People should be able to use whatever pronouns they want.
Please, feel free to post questions in the comments below. I will answer questions in future posts, so ask away!
Best Wishes,
Nick
P.S. Here's one of my favorite spoken-word poems. It's all about being transgender and using pronouns. It's titled "Hir".
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Welcome to Real Queer Life
So, you're here. Welcome! At this point, you're probably either a friend of mine who noticed I started a blog about my life, or you're someone who just Googled "queer" to find people to bash a bit before you said your prayers and went to bed. There will be no hate here; so if you're here to be mean, you won't be welcome. Now that that's out of the way, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Nick and I'm 16 years old. I live in New York, U.S.A. I'm a musician, an athlete, and a member of a robotics team. My favorite color is purple and I have an unhealthy obsession with "Doctor Who". Alright, now it's time for everyone to really get to know me. Yes, I'm queer, and in more ways than you might think. For starters, I'm gender queer. Or, as I prefer to call it, gender fluid. This means that I can identify as male, female, both, neither, or any combination depending on how I feel. On that note, I should tell you about my preferred pronouns. I don't use these pronouns in public, but I would like people who read this blog to use "ze" and "hir" when addressing me (more on gender-neutral pronouns and how to use them in a later post). I'm also queer when it comes to my sexual orientation. Since terms like "gay" and "straight" are targeted for people who fit the gender binary (identify as male or female), I don't quite fit either of those terms. So, I identify as queer because it covers anything that isn't heterosexual. Finally, I'm queer because I''m just... different. I'm just a wacky person who's really awkward and absolutely loves people. I've got my pet peeves and quirks that even I don't understand, like a hatred for bad grammar. But I'm also human, plain and simple. I love, I laugh, I cry. You'll see all of those and more as I keep posting.
Love,
Nick
P.S. Comment on this post with any questions you have! I'll try to answer them in my next post.
Love,
Nick
P.S. Comment on this post with any questions you have! I'll try to answer them in my next post.
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